Dude, Where the Hell's My Dumbass BioDome?
by spoony monster
Summary: Axel and Roxas forget their girlfriends' anniversary... AGAIN. What will it take to get their girls back? And why are they suddenly beginning to really notice each other? AU Akuroku. Zemyx. Sokairiku. RATING WENT UP!
1. The Milk Has Expired!

**I suppose the only thing I can say about this fic is that it came about from watching "Dude, Where's My car?" and "Bio-Dome" back-to-back, which also sorta explains the title. I suppose a lot could be said considering the fact that I was able to write three chapters in a row, especially seeing how I am with updating all my other stories. -dies- So, I suppose I'll work on this while commencing with operation "Obliterate Plot-bunnies." Enjoy:3**

Chapter 1:

The Milk Has expired!

In a tiny little apartment on the far edge of Twilight Town, mornings were taken with a grain of salt. Mornings could be good or bad; depending on whether the night before had been spent with a girlfriend, therefore morning was met with both a very satisfied tenant and an exhausted girl, or whether the previous night had gone by with copious amounts of alcohol and marijuana, resulting in very groggy and extremely hungover tenants, with or without the presence of the afore-mentioned girlfriends to help rid the presence of the after-party hard-on that generally made itself known on mornings of that nature. Therefore, the definition of "morning" could mean just about anything. Morning could start at eight am, when said girlfriend wakes with a satisfied grin to nudge her boyfriend awake and spend the first twenty minutes with either quiet kisses or a quickie before starting the day. Or, morning could start at one in the afternoon with a pounding headache and residual munchies, and an hour or so taking turns hugging the toilet and puking their guts out.

This morning started out as a combination of both, with the alarm clock buzzing right in Roxas's ear, and a sleepy Naminé nudging him and murmuring for him to shut it off. The taste of alcohol was stale in the back of his mouth, and the early afternoon light just made his head throb worse. Roxas pulled the blankets over his head, slapping his hand around the night stand until the alarm stopped beeping and the accursed thing fell to the floor with a crash that further irritated his hangover. He didn't even see what time the clock said, and truthfully he didn't care. He just groaned loudly and rolled over, squeezing Naminé who just mumbled something about morning breath before pushing him away.

"C'mon Nami. Jus' one quickie?" Roxas slurred.

"Ew, no. You smell like beer and puke,"

"Please?"

"No, Roxas. Go take a shower..." Naminé mumble before rolling over and falling back asleep.

Roxas rolled onto his back and sighed. He had been so wasted the night before, he couldn't recall how he'd gotten home, or even if he'd gotten laid. Hmm, he wasn't wearing any clothes, neither was Naminé, so that meant he _did_ get laid, didn't it? Whatever, the only thing that was bothering him right now was his hangover and the fact that his bladder was screaming angrily at him.

Roxas heaved himself into a sitting position, groaning quietly when his stomach protested and his bladder reminded him that he had to piss worse than he had originally thought. He took a glance at the alarm clock on the floor which read somewhere around twelve-thirty in the afternoon, and he noted somewhere in the back of his mind that he had roughly an hour and a half before he had to be at work. He stood up and grabbed a pair of boxers off the floor, briefly wondering whether they were his or Axel's before deciding that he didn't care and putting them on anyway and then heading over to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, a few rooms over, the second tenant of this tiny little apartment at the edge of Twilight Town was sleeping like a rock on the living room couch; his lanky body was sprawled at odd angles and his red hair resembled that of some mythological monster he had read about in one of his classes. Axel was snoring loudly (the result of his awkward position), which was starting to annoy the tall blonde girl that was sleeping naked against his chest. Larxene's eyes popped open at the awful noise and she adjusted the quilt to cover herself up more, since the boys seemingly had no idea how to work their thermostat or how to work the space heater the girls had gotten them for Christmas. She glared at Axel, hoping that maybe the venom in her evil look would wake her sleeping boyfriend, or at least make him stop snoring. Much to her surprise, it didn't work, as Axel had continued in his snoring. So she reached a thin, bony hand out and squeezed his nose.

Axel snorted and coughed, being abruptly pulled from dreams involving Roxas and sea-salt ice cream by the lack of oxygen to his brain. Acidic green eyes popped open in annoyance, searching for the hand that had interrupted otherwise pleasant dreams, only to be met with an obviously annoyed Larxene, and a pounding headache.

"Morning," Axel yawned, once his general alarm had gone down.

"You were snoring," Larxene deadpanned.

"What? Was not," Axel replied without much enthusiasm.

"Yes you were. You were snoring like an old man,"

At this moment, Roxas walked out from somewhere in the back of the house, donning nothing but a crooked pair of boxers and a bad case of bedhead. Roxas lazily stroked his blond hair as he passed the two on the couch, dully noting that Axel had at least made it home as well which left him with one less thing to worry about.

"Hey Rox, was I snoring?" Axel asked.

Roxas looked at him as if he'd sprouted an extra head. "I dunno. Probably." Axel frowned; that wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Get up. We've got work at two."

Larxene sighed in annoyance and pulled herself off of Axel. She headed into the back bedroom where Naminé was still sleeping, taking the quilt with her and leaving Axel stark naked on the couch. Axel shivered; why the hell was the apartment so cold on an April morning?

A pair of flannel pants randomly hit Axel in the face, followed by Roxas's voice. "Up!"

Axel dully noted that it had indeed been Roxas that had thrown the pants (his brain was a little slow at waking up, especially if alcohol or illegal drugs had been involved the night before), and he groaned loudly covering his face with the pants instead of other body parts that Roxas would have preferred not to see. "But Roxy, they can survive one day without me."

Roxas's eye twitched, and he walked over to the couch so that he was standing over Axel's covered face, and he crossed his arms, glaring down at the naked lump on the couch. "Axel..." He warned. The redhead uncovered the top half of his face, smiling at a frowning Roxas from underneath the pants (which according to his nose, had yet to be washed), before Roxas took one hand and brought it down hard on Axel's forehead.

"Up!" he stated again, slapping the redhead hard on the forehead. Axel yelped and jerked at the contact, not liking how his hangover responded by sending a jolt of pain through his skull and a wave of nausea through his stomach. This Axel responded to, since the nausea didn't seem to be the kind that would go away if he just laid there and didn't move. Axel leapt up off the couch, and bee-lined for the bathroom.

Perhaps, while Axel is busy praying to the porcelain god, it would be the proper time for introductions. No, not the early morning introductions we've just witnessed, but proper introductions. Ahem, so we've half-way met the owners of this tiny little apartment at the edge of Twilight Town, in the guise of Roxas Strife, short, scrawny, blond and cute, and Axel Flurry, tall, lanky, with red hair and facial tattoos, and very sexy. Of course, if you asked them, Roxas would describe himself as vertically challenged with blondish hair that wouldn't lay flat, and he would have you know that he thought of himself as hot, because guys certainly weren't cute. And Axel just thought he was plain sexy, and nothing anyone said could change his mind about that.

Axel and Roxas were your two average typical guys; best friends since elementary school, with your average typical girlfriends and your average typical minimum wage job. They lived your average typical lives, which at times bored them to no end, so of course they tried to do something about that. Axel would proudly boast that one of his favorite activities, other than boning Larxene, was annoying Roxas. Maybe it was just because he was that bored, or maybe it was because (even though Roxas was a guy) he thought Roxas was so damn cute when he was irritated, but Axel's favorite method of Roxas torture was perving out on his little blond friend. It was totally worth it to see Roxas blush, and to piss Naminé off because to tell the truth, Axel never really liked Naminé all that much anyway. Roxas liked to spend most of the time that wasn't spent with Naminé or McMoogle's immersing himself in various video games and getting back at Axel for his inappropriate comments and all around general pervertedness. There was one moment in particular that Roxas was particularly fond of when he had signed Axel up for "mime school," and had spent the next week after that torturing his redheaded friend by playing the ever so popular "mime toss" in _PAIN_ on his playstation 3. And yes, for those of you wondering, Axel did actually go to those classes. He claimed he did it out of boredom and because Roxas had gone through all the trouble of signing him up, but truthfully, he only did it because he thought the "mime in a box" trick was pretty cool. And because Roxas screamed like a girl when Axel woke him up one morning dressed in full mime gear.

Axel and Roxas lived in an average typical apartment with what they could afford from their job at McMoogle's, and being two average typical guys, they also lived in an average typical mess. Well, Axel did more or less, while Roxas tried to clean up after his slobby roommate but eventually gave up because whenever he cleaned up a mess, Axel just made a new one. So Roxas liked to call it an "organized mess" while Axel referred to it as "creative chaos," and that he rather liked the risk of eating the week-old piece of pizza he found under the couch. Larxene and Naminé took it upon themselves to clean up and girl-ify the apartment while the boys were at work in hopes that the boys would take it as a hint to be more grateful of their presence. But Axel and Roxas, being typical average guys, were completely oblivious like always and usually only responded with grunts of acknowledgement before heading over to the couch so Roxas could kill Axel for the umpteenth time in Soulcalibur IV. And they truly never understood why they then found half a pot of macaroni and cheese dumped over their heads.

Hm. Girls. Who understood them, right?

Ah, here comes Axel from the bathroom, now wearing pants and with a newly empty stomach. His hair was still wildly untamed, but he was making an attempt at controlling it by tying a pony-tail holder around it, which still left half of it standing up in every direction. Roxas had busied himself in the kitchen; he was hungry and since it was practically lunchtime (and because he was too lazy to begin with), he skipped over making breakfast and instead pulled out two bowls for Axel and himself, filling them with the last of the cereal and some milk that smelled questionable, but Roxas used it anyway since it still flowed like milk and didn't have any lumps in it. Roxas was already sitting at the cluttered table, eating the slightly smelly cereal when Axel sat down and dragged his bowl across the table.

"You're wearing pants," Roxas deadpanned.

"No shit, sherlock," Axel said, taking a bite of his cereal. His head still hurt and he still felt like he needed to throw up, but he was hungry and stubborn dammit and he wanted his cereal!

The girls came out of the back bedroom, fully dressed and groomed to the best they could manage in a few short minutes. Naminé still looked considerably tired and Larxene wore her trademarked scowl, and they sat down on either side of the boys.

Roxas slid his bowl over toward Naminé. "Hungry?" He asked. Naminé crinkled her nose when she caught a whiff of the week-expired milk.

"Ew, gross. No," She said, pushing the bowl back to Roxas, who just shrugged and went back to eating.

Larxene had wrapped herself around Axel's arm, who was still trying to eat regardless of the fact that his girlfriend had his spoon arm in a death grip. "So, do you know what today is?"

Axel looked dumbly over at Larxene. "Erm, Tuesday?" The glare he received in return told him that it was the wrong answer.

"Well, Roxas knows, right?" Naminé asked, smiling sweetly.

"Uh, it's the eighth, right?" Naminé's sweet smile turned into a frown that matched Larxene's.

"Yeah... the eighth of April is special because...?" Larxene said.

Axel and Roxas stopped chewing long enough to give each other a more than confused look. "We have to work today?" They said in unison. The girls full on scowled. They just didn't seem to get it.

"Um, it's our anniversary, stupid!" Larxene snapped.

"Anniversary?" Axel repeated.

"Yeah, you know, that day you celebrate every year on the day you got together?"

"Er..."

"Goddammit! I can't believe you guys forgot again!" Naminé shrieked, turning herself in her chair so that her back was to Roxas.

"Assholes!" Larxene added, copying Naminé's actions.

"We're sorry!" The boys said in unison.

"It's just that April eighth doesn't seem all that significant when you think about it..." Roxas said sheepishly.

"Yeah, can't we celebrate it on a day that we won't forget? Like April Fool's Day! It's a week early, but we never forget about April Fool's Day!" Axel said.

"Are you saying that you think of us as a joke!?" Larxene bellowed, standing up and towering over the boys who sat at the table cowering in fear. An angry Larxene was a deadly Larxene after all.

"N-No! That's not..."

"That totally defeats the purpose! Are you really that thick?"

"Am I the only one who sensed the second meaning to that question?"

"Shut up, Axel! I wasn't talking to you!"

"I'm sorry, okay?! I just forgot!"

"You always 'just forget.' Seriously, why am I still with you, Roxas?"

"Because you love me?"

"If our anniversary is a joke to you, does that mean us being together is just a joke as well?"

"No Larxene! I didn't mean it that way..."

Any further excuses from the boys were silenced when Larxene took Axel's unfinished cereal and dumped it over his head. Roxas made the mistake of snickering, and he soon found his own bowl upside down on his head, smelly milk and all. The boys sat there in complete shock, watching as their girlfriends stomped off toward the apartment door.

"If you wanted our anniversary to be on April Fools Day, then you assholes should have asked us out on April Fool's day!" Larxene yelled, before leaving the apartment and slamming the door behind her.

"You guys had better make this up to us, and if you want to keep all your man parts, it better be good!" Naminé threatened in a very Larxene-like manner before following the other's lead and storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her as well. Let it be made known that a picture fell off the wall elsewhere in the apartment for dramatic effect.

Axel and Roxas just sat there for several minutes in dumb shock, trying to collect their thoughts together that a) they had just been more or less dumped, and b) that there were bits of cold cereal now sliding down their bodies. Talk about gross.

April eighth. How the fuck could they forget April eighth? It was the one day every year that got them ass deep in trouble, that you'd think they'd remember it by now. Or at least mark on their calenders every April eighth something along the lines of "buy Larxene and Naminé something expensive to avoid castration."

Roxas was the first to emerge from his nearly catatonic shock-like state enough to speak.

"Dude, we fucked up,"

"No shit,"

**So, here we've got dumb, clueless Axel and Roxas, who can never remember the important things (or at least the things that their girlfriends think are important), so what are they going to do to win their girls back? And more importantly, when are they going to start sexing each other up? Well, you'll just have to wait and see. And I'll just have to wait and see also, since this one's coming from the top of my head.**

**I've got other chapters ready to post, so review and I'll post faster... internet regarding of course -shoots computer-**

**Toodles!**

**-Spoon-**


	2. Operation: Savage

**Bad Spoony Monster forgot her disclaimer last chapter, so here it is!**

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts owns my soul!**

**I do have to say I was rather impressed with the immediate reaction I got with this story. I just happened to notice the internet was working when I woke up, so I took the opportunity to post it then (my connection can be down from anywhere between eight hours to five days at a time), then I went downstairs to eat and watch "America's Got Talent" and when I came back, my computer was all like "You have a bajillion new messages from " because of all the reviews and alerts and favorites I got. And then my internets crashed! -throws computer out window- So this chappie's for all of you!**

**And now my disclaimer for _this_ chapter: I don't own the rights to Kingdom Hearts... but I do have three copies of Kingdom Hearts 2 (don't ask... _I'm_ not entirely sure how I ended up with three copies)**

Chapter 2:

Operation Savage

It all started one April eighth in high school. Axel and Roxas never thought much about it, other than it was the day that they had finally grown some balls, and that it had paid off for them. I mean, they had Larxene and Naminé, right? Axel was your typical cocky senior; he thought he was all that and more. He was arrogant and bold, and had a nasty habit of coming onto anything with tits. Roxas was a timid, geeky junior, taking all senior classes and dragging Axel around as a bodyguard. It was dangerous to be short and smart. There were two girls in particular, sisters. They were Larxene and Naminé Savage, and the boys weren't ashamed to admit that they were totally ga-ga over them.

Axel was interested in Larxene, the elder of the two and a fellow senior. Larxene was tall and pretty, with a nice figure and a very nice walk. Her boobs weren't especially spectacular, but that didn't bother Axel any, because everything else made up for it. Larxene had a nasty streak; she terrorized other girls who got in her way, and there were even some guys who were afraid of her, but she had a sweet side. She was the co-captain of the school's Nindo team, along with Yuffie Kisaragi, with whom she was nearly inseparable. Naminé was a junior, like Roxas, but wasn't taking the advanced classes. She was shy and quiet and tended to keep to herself and draw in her sketch book. Larxene was very protective of Naminé, in much the same way that Axel was over Roxas; of all the fights they had been in, four out of five of Larxene's fights had been over Naminé, while _all_ of Axel's fights had been over Roxas.

Axel and Roxas had made their pact, that _today_ was the day they were going to get their girls.

It was only April and Roxas's body was on its summer schedule; five-thirty was _way_ too early to be getting up in the morning for _any_ reason, whether it was because he had to get ready for school or because Sora found some big hairy spider in his room and wouldn't stop shrieking until someone came and got it or killed it (Axel had spent the night that night and had "volunteered" to rid Sora's room of the spider... and then came back in Roxas's room to put it on the sleeping blond's face. And it was a big ass spider too). Seven-thirty was way too early to be out of the house at sixteen years old, and Roxas thought whoever came up with the current school system just hated teenagers and wanted to torture them by dragging them out of bed and into some boring learning establishment for eight hours. Roxas hoped someone egged their house.

Roxas wasn't the only one who was still whining about summer vacation coming already. It didn't help that it was nearing one hundred degrees outside, and the school didn't believe in running the air conditioners before June. So naturally, the school was like a furnace. All the students were wearing clothes that were _way_ against dress code (not that Roxas was complaining, Twilight High had some really hot girls), and classes were disrupted with the collective _whirs_ of box fans pointed at them to keep them from suffering from heat stroke. All of this could have been prevented if the school just held all classes in the pool.

It was only third period, and Roxas was already dying for a shower.

Chemistry was probably the worst class to have on a day like this. The Bunsen burners just made the room that much hotter and Vexen wouldn't bring fans into the room because of the risks for accidents involving lit burners and dangerous fumes. Accidents that may or may not have involved a certain red-headed friend of Roxas's. He refused to say anything more on the subject.

Roxas always managed to be one of the first ones in chemistry; his last class was the next hallway over and his locker was smack-dab in-between. Which also meant he had to be in Vexen's presence longer than anyone else. There was a rumor going around the school that Vexen was making some sort of Frankenstein's Monster in the school's basement, but you know how rumors are, right?

Some random students filed in periodically, and Demyx joined him at their usual lab station, hollering about Seifer being a jerk like always. And like always, Roxas knew when Axel was there before he even saw him (_Just_ before the late bell rang; it never failed). Roxas could almost _feel_ Axel towering over him like he usually did, and when his hands grabbed the back of Roxas's chair, that about proved it.

"Hey Roxy," Axel said, and Roxas frowned. Yeah, it was normal for people to come up with nicknames for their friends, but why did Axel have to call him every name that he hated? And Axel was the _only_ one who ever called him "Blondie," "Shortie," "Kid," "Rox-ass," and "Roxy," mainly because Roxas threatened to kill anybody else who called him those names. Including Axel, but he was the only one that never listened. But that was okay, because all Roxas had to do was mention to Axel how his facial tattoos made him look like a mime. That shuts him up _real_ quick.

"Don't call me that," Roxas said flatly, craning his neck so he could glare at Axel. He just smirked. God, that smirk scares him sometimes...

Axel sat down on the other side of the table across from Roxas and Demyx, and Roxas didn't know _how_ Axel had managed to make it through first period _alone_ without collapsing due to heat. He was all decked out in his heavy metal clothes, wearing pants where you could easily fit Demyx, Roxas _and_ Sora in one leg and nobody would notice, and a shirt that was easily three sizes too big for him with some band name on it. Roxas thought it said "Darkthrone." At least that's what it looked like after staring at it for ten minutes or so. The only sign that Axel was feeling any heat was the little bit of red hair that stuck to the side of his face.

"Dude, how can you _wear_ that?" Demyx asked, fanning himself with a random folder.

Axel shrugged. "They're clothes. There's not much to it. Unless you'd rather me walk around naked," He leaned his head on his hand and smirked again, sending a quick glance in Roxas's direction.

Everybody, meet Axel, the almighty pervert.

"So, anybody have any idea what last night's homework was supposed to mean?" Axel asked, pulling out the homework that Vexen would be collecting in less than five minutes, completely blank.

"Why did you even take this class if you don't understand any of it?" Roxas asked, taking the paper from him to peer over it out of habit. The only effort he seemed to have put into it was the drawing of a moogle with a knife in its head in the corner. And he swears the music he listens to isn't influential in any way...

"They're giving me unstable chemicals and fire. Why else would I take it?"

"I dunno, so you can graduate?" Roxas said, filling in the formulas and equations as they were called for.

"Hey, I'm actually passing most of my classes this year,"

"If you count a D-minus as passing," Roxas said. Demyx snorted and Axel sent him a dirty look.

"Well it also helps that you take to doing my homework _for_ me when I don't understand it," He sang. Roxas stopped filling in the answers and stared at Axel's paper, which was now about half-done. He glared at him, crumpled the paper into a ball, and threw it at Axel's head.

"It's because you're such a pushover," Demyx said.

"I am not," Roxas retorted. His retort was shot down when the two idiots started laughing.

"Whatever you say, _Roxy_," Demyx said, and Roxas didn't hesitate to throw his binder at him.

_"Ahem,"_

The laugh-fest was interrupted when Vexen appeared out of nowhere, and Roxas thought for a moment that he was saved until he noticed that Vexen was looking straight at him, frowning. Fuck, it was just his luck that Vexen had to walk up just as he hit Demyx with a binder. Cold green eyes looked at each of them in turn before he finally spoke.

"Homework?" Vexen asked coldly, holding out his hand. Demyx and Roxas complied and handed him their papers; Axel had to find his on the floor and un-crumple it before he handed Vexen his half-finished paper, which was in Roxas's handwriting by the way, and sporting a drawing that would surely get him sent to the councilor's office. Vexen took one glimpse at Axel's paper, and then looked at Roxas and Axel in turn before crumpling it back up.

"Another zero for you mister Flurry. If you don't start applying yourself, you'll be repeating this class with me again next year," Vexen said before turning and approaching the next table. Roxas got chills. Seriously, Vexen could be fucking scary at times. Let's not mention what happens when he laughs. Every time Vexen laughs, a zombie crawls from its grave. Yeah, that about says it there.

"Then I won't graduate just out of spite, so I can blow up your stupid lab some more," Axel mumbled, and Demyx started laughing; to which Axel responded by punching Demyx in the shoulder, the resulting squeal landing him a detention as well.

Several minutes passed in silence, in which Axel brooded in silence, Roxas picked at a hangnail, and Demyx nursed his newly bruised shoulder. Axel sulked; his confidence wasn't getting off to a good start today, starting with a failed attempt at talking to Larxene earlier that morning, to Vexen not liking his dead moogle.

"So Roxas, how's Operation Savage going for you?" Axel asked, catching Roxas by surprise so that he ripped off the hangnail and started bleeding. Ouch.

"Erm..." Roxas replied. He hadn't actually seen Naminé yet, and even if he had, he would've been too busy freaking out to do anything yet. When it came to talking to girls, it was one thing that Roxas definitely wasn't good at. Axel probably already had Larxene already... though if that were true, wouldn't he be bragging about it? "What about you?"

"Well, I talked to her,"

"And then ran away," Demyx added, earning himself another punch to the arm. Axel didn't want to be reminded of his phail; he _did_ talk to her... even if he did run away with his tail between his legs. Hmm, interesting imagery.

"Okay, we catch them after this period and do it together. No chickening out. Deal?" Axel said, holding his hand out over the table.

Roxas took that hand and smiled nervously. "Deal."

Only they never got to approach the girls after third period, because ten minutes after they made their deal, Axel went and blew up a bunsen burner in his face, and they spent the rest of third period and the majority of fourth in the nurse's office to treat the minor burns on Axel's face and so Roxas could draw him some new eyebrows with a red sharpie. And then Roxas came to the conclusion that the marker was more of a pink-ish magenta color, but Axel didn't really need to know that. And he really didn't need to know that his eyebrows were totally crooked now too.

Fourth period was nearly over with when the nurse deemed Axel ready to go back to class. The left side of his face was shiny from burn ointment, though only his eyebrows and a little bit of skin behind his left eye were visibly red. And the eyebrows. Yeah, that marker was definitely pink. Axel followed Roxas down the hallway, poking and rubbing at where his eyebrows used to be, and flinching when he came across a burn.

"If you keep doing that, they won't grow back," Roxas deadpanned.

"But it feels _weird_!" Axel whined. "My beautiful face is ruined!"

"You're so full of yourself,"

The bell rang and before they knew it, the hallway was full of students rushing to get to the cafeteria for lunch. Axel took one arm and scooped Roxas up against him to prevent the blond from being carried away by the herd. Roxas protested for a moment, before remembering the last time he'd gotten caught in the pre-lunch rush, which had left him with a twisted ankle and, and he _still_ didn't know how, a hickey in the middle of his forehead. Axel steadied Roxas and led him through the hall with an arm around his shoulders, and that's when Naminé and Larxene walked down the hall.

Axel panicked.

Maybe it was the failed talking attempt earlier that morning, or Vexen's threat, or the fact that he had no eyebrows, but something told Axel to throw Roxas over his shoulder and run in the other direction.

"What the hell are you doing?! Put me down!" Roxas squawked as Axel ran.

"Sorry. Diarrhea calling!" Axel lied.

"Then why the hell are you bringing me?!"

They didn't get very far before Demyx magically appeared in front of Axel (he actually just walked out of one of the bathrooms, but it looked like he'd magically appeared because some really tall kid walked by at that moment and Demyx was pretty short in high school), hands on his hips and a disapproving scowl on his face. Roxas squeaked as Axel's shoulder blade dug into his ribs when Axel skidded to a stop.

"Put Roxas down, turn around, and go talk to them," Demyx said.

"But—"

"Now, Axel!"

Axel sighed and set a red-faced and thoroughly annoyed Roxas down, who then retaliated by kicking the redhead in the knee. Demyx spun them both around, stuck a hand between both of their shoulder blades, and started pushing them down the hall toward their certain doom.

Axel's lack of confidence now had Roxas panicking. Did his breath stink? What if he was too short? What if Naminé didn't like him? Oh shit, She was standing in front of them.

Demyx stopped pushing them once they stood in front of a slightly confused Larxene and Naminé, and Roxas was certain he was going to vomit up his spleen. Demyx wrapped an arm around each of their shoulders and stuck his head in between the two petrified teenagers with a particularly wicked smile on his face.

"Hey ladies. My buddies here have something they want to ask you," Demyx sang, with an encouraging pat on the shoulder, before about-facing and walking away. Axel had a sudden urge to introduce Demyx to the bottom of a trash can. Naminé giggled and Larxene stood there with a rather amused smirk on her face.

"Yes?" she asked.

You know how best friends can sometimes be so in tune with each other, that they seem to know what the other is thinking, and can finish each other's sentences and stuff like that? And do you know how when you're in a stressful situation, sometimes you just end up blabbing the first thing that comes to mind?

"GO OUT WITH ME!" Both boys shouted at the top of their lungs, gaining the attention of everyone in the hallway, and sending the girls in a full on laughing fit. Roxas felt as if he could sink into the floor and spend the rest of his life being a floor mat where people would wipe the dog doo off their shoes. Axel was sure his face was now identical in color to his hair. The laughter coming from the girls wasn't very encouraging, so the boys stiffly turned around in attempt to sneak off before anyone else noticed, and preferably hide in a janitor's closet for the rest of the school year.

"W-Wait!" The hands grabbing at their wrists stopped them in their tracks, and they turned back around to face their inevitable end. Larxene and Naminé were still near hysterics, but they had calmed down enough to form coherent words.

"You guys have guts, you know that?" Larxene asked.

"Of course we'll go out with you guys," Naminé said.

"How 'bout tonight? At Pumpkinhead's?" Larxene asked.

The boys just nodded dumbly, stricken mute out of shock. Ho shit! They said yes!

Fast forward three years to the day, and we have Axel and Roxas sitting at their kitchen table, soggy cereal in their hair and dumbfounded expressions on their faces. Axel flicked away a corn flake as it came dangerously close to falling in his eye, and Roxas found the ability to speak again.

"So," he began. "We can either chase them down and beg for them to take us back, or we can give them a few hours to cool down and get ready for work, so that way we don't lose our jobs as well."

Axel looked down at the table top and thought about it for a minute. "Let's give them time to cool down. I don't think I could handle one of Larxene's temper tantrums right now..."

Roxas stood up. "I'm getting in the shower..." He said numbly before leaving the kitchen.

Axel sulked there for a moment, before he really began to notice the smell of the milk running down his face.

"Hey, wait! Don't leave me to sit here with this shit in my hair!"

**Okay, so this chapter was mostly a flash-back, and Axel and Roxas are kinda OOC, but that's okay! It's all in the name of blind humor! Yes, I know, the story is het right now, but I promise in a few chapter's time, we'll start getting to the yaoi goodness that is AkuRoku!**

**I've been laughing my ass off as I write this fic, so now my family thinks I'm crazy! XD**

**All hail!**

**-spoon-**


	3. Can I Spit in Your Food?

**Woohoo! Chapter 3!**

**I'm trying to keep myself at least two chapters ahead at all times on this fic, I guess as a sort of motivation to keep me going... and so I have something to post when I hit writer's block... -dies- So anyways, enjoooooooooooy!!!**

**Disclaimer: I have to tell you that I don't own Kingdom Hearts, because Square Enix will sue me if I don't. That and they're holding me captive and threatening to cut off my balls if I don't write this disclaimer. And I don't have balls!**

Chapter 3:

Welcome to McMoogle's, Can I Spit in Your Food?

"Welcome to McMoogle's, can I take your order?"

One annoyingly interrupted shower later saw Roxas standing at the front counter of McMoogle's, wearing that stupid uniform and that stupid hat with that stupid red puff ball on top, asking that same stupid question to every customer that stood in that long stupid line for food that was better off being fed to their dog. Of course, he wasn't allowed to say that last part out loud, otherwise, he'd be spending the rest of the afternoon cleaning the employee bathroom. Rumor had it that the last sucker to clean the employee bathroom had been so traumatized that he wouldn't speak for a week. That was something that Roxas never wanted to happen to him; not that he talked all that much, but Axel would go insane if all he got from Roxas were blank stares.

His day didn't seem to be improving, considering the lady that was standing in front of him did not seem very happy. This Roxas knew for a fact, since he'd asked her the same corporate-required question not ten minutes earlier. He was still hungover too.

"I want to see your manager!"

Of course, it was that employee-dreaded demand. It wasn't like Roxas needed to be worried or anything, but every time an unhappy customer demanded to see a manager, it put the boss in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Which right now definitely wasn't a good thing, considering this was the third unhappy customer today.

"Erm, is there something I can help you with?"

"Are you a manager?"

"...No,"

"Then no, you can't help me,"

Roxas sighed. "Okay. Give me just a minute."

He shuffled his way away from the front counter, flagging down a random employee to watch the register wile he meandered his way toward the back right past Axel who was lazily flipping burgers; his hair was now cereal-free and pulled back in a hair net. Roxas mentally snickered to himself; Axel in a hair net was something he still wasn't quite used to.

Xemnas's office was in the back of the building past the kitchen; Roxas could navigate the path with his eyes closed he'd been back here so many times. It was usually Axel's fault, especially since the redhead had taken to calling him "Mansex" whenever his back was turned, and the nickname had stuck. Any time Xemnas heard the word "Mansex," the employee who said it ended up doing some very unpleasant work, whether they were actually referring to Xemnas or, in Demyx's case (before he quit), talking about a wild night they'd had prior. Xemnas was rather intimidating; Roxas clearly recalled wondering during his interview if Xemnas was some closet serial killer or something, and whether his eyes were naturally that orange. Xemnas always claimed that his eyes were "pleasantly amber," but dude, they were freakin' orange!

Xemnas's office door was wide open as it usually was, and he was slouched over his desk with a pile of paperwork in front of him. Roxas wondered how the manager of a place such as McMoogle's had amassed so much paperwork, before he guessed that it must have something to do with his "closet serial killer" theory; dead bodies created paperwork, didn't they? It could also account for the high employee turnover this particular McMoogle's had; what if they didn't really quit but were sitting in a freezer in Xemnas's basement? Roxas shook his head and mentally cursed Sora for putting stupid theories in his head.

Roxas stood in the doorway until Xemnas acknowledged his presence. The silver-haired manager looked up at Roxas with those orange eyes, and Roxas felt as if a goose just walked over his grave.

"Yes?" Xemnas said, irritation dripping on his voice since this was the third time since two o clock that Roxas had to come and retrieve him (it was now quarter to four).

"Um, there's a customer that wants to see you,"

Xemnas sighed. "Because?"

Roxas just shrugged.

Xemnas stood up from behind his desk. "I swear, if it's because Axel messed up another order, he's going to spend the rest of his shift scraping the gum from the dumpster..."

Xemnas walked on past Roxas, who stood there and shuddered. Scraping the gum from the dumpster wasn't a pleasant experience; he would know, he's had to do it twice before. Although those incidents were attributed to Sora and Demyx instead of Axel.

Roxas dully noted how much more he liked Xemnas's uniform than his own. Xemnas's didn't have the stupid red puff ball on it.

Roxas walked back through the kitchen prepared to finish off his day of monotony up at the register (he and Axel had gotten a short shift today, so there was only a few more hours until they had to worry about how to approach the girls.)

Roxas had barely taken two steps into the kitchen when he let out a very un-manly squeal when someone roughly yanked him to the side. That someone had bright red hair, green eyes, and mime-like facial tattoos.

"Axel! What the hell?"

"It's break time,"

"No it isn't! We still have fifteen minutes!"

"That lady at the register is probably complaining because I dropped her food on the floor, so that means it's break time,"

"Why the hell did you give it to her if you dropped it on the floor?"

"I didn't think anyone would notice. And besides, _you_ gave it to her,"

"What?"

Axel grabbed Roxas by the arm and dragged him out the back door and sat him on a milk crate beside the dumpster. Roxas glared up at Axel as the redhead situated for himself a seat out of milk crates and plopped down right beside Roxas.

"Erm, can't we sit out front like we usually do?" Roxas asked. He wasn't to keen on the idea of spending a fifteen minute break somewhere that smelled like feet.

"No," Axel said, pulling a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket.

Roxas eyed the cigarettes with a befuddled expression. "I thought you quit smoking..."

"No," Axel said again, as he lit one. "Rox, I've been thinking..."

"Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself,"

"Ha fucking ha..." He took a long inhale before continuing. "I've been thinking about Larxene and Naminé. About how pissed they were at us this morning."

"Yeah, so what else is new?" Roxas leaned back and knocked his head against the side of the building.

"Well, I was trying to think of some way to make it up to them,"

"Any ideas?"

Axel scratched at the back of his head. "Somehow, I don't think good sex is going to be enough for this one..."

"I don't think _anything_ is going to be enough for this one to tell you the truth,"

Axel thought for a moment. "How 'bout we take them out somewhere?"

"Where are we going to take them? Here? It's about all we can afford right now, what with your medical bills from last month..."

"Well we wouldn't have to wear the hats..."

"I say we take them to a movie. I think I can suffer through a chick flick if it means that Naminé will forgive me,"

"Yeah, but I fell asleep when we took them to see Twilight. And Larxene about took my head off,"

"Hmm..." Roxas scrunched his face up in concentration while he thought.

_Cute._ Axel thought. That was the very word he thought when he had first met Roxas in elementary school. Axel had been in second grade and Roxas had been in first, when Axel's twin brother pushed Roxas face first into a mud puddle. It didn't help that Axel and Reno looked so much alike that when Axel went to help the blond up off the ground that Roxas had slugged him in the face. And then Axel, having had his pride bitch-slapped, punched Roxas back. The scuffle had landed them in the principal's office, and it was there, when Roxas was sitting there covered in mud and all grouchy-like, that Axel had first attributed the word "cute" to him.

It was in middle school when Axel discovered that Roxas really hated being called "cute." It was also around then that he discovered that Roxas also really hated being groped; the blush it created just made him cuter and Axel really couldn't resist.

"I got it!" Axel was pulled from his Roxas cuteness admiration by the blond's outburst. "Pumpkinhead's! I mean, well, it's not Pumpkinhead's anymore, but it's still the same spot where we took them out for the first time. And Kairi works there, so maybe we can snag a discount on the food."

"Yeah! It's got significance, so that'll make them happy, right?" Axel stubbed out his cigarette. "But first, let's get back inside before Mansex notices we're missing."

- - x - -

Pumpkinhead's. Only it isn't Pumpkinhead's anymore, since the owner went on a drinking binge and killed himself in the restaurant's basement. Now it was The Usual Spot, a restaurant/karaoke bar where everyone from middle-school pre-teens to angry old people hung out to eat, drink, play pool and embarrass the hell out of themselves in front of strangers by singing badly at the karaoke mic. It was someplace where Axel and Roxas normally went to hang out, minus the presence of the girls. Naminé and Larxene weren't normally ones for beer pong and bad sex jokes, so they stopped coming soon after it had opened. Axel and Roxas were normally accompanied by Sora and Riku, as well as Demyx, and Zexion had been a frequent member of their circle ever since Demyx decided that he really liked emo boys. Zexion, however, had yet to find out that fact. Kairi was Axel's younger sister, and the youngest of the Flurry kids, which meant she had inherited the infamous Flurry Pervert gene, which made her the perfect waitress/bartender for a place such as The Usual Spot, which was often full of drunk horny men who tipped her nicely for her figure and sarcastic attitude. Riku and Sora hung out there more than the rest of them, because, as they claimed, Kairi is their closest friend and they want to be there to keep her company on the off nights. Which Roxas really suspected was Sora/Riku speak for there being some sort of three-way going on, because he had known for ages that Sora liked Kairi and he was pretty sure there was something going on between Sora and Riku as well. Somehow, the imagery both disturbed Roxas and turned him on as well.

Axel thought he would try his luck and go out to Larxene's apartment on his own, but let it be known that luck has never really liked Axel. Larxene was making it quite clear how displeased she was to see him, and she showed it at first with a roundhouse kick to Axel's face. Axel was kinda impressed that she was able to kick that high, and vaguely wondered if she was the reincarnation of Chuck Norris, but then he remembered that as far as he knew, Chuck Norris was still alive.

"Ow! What the hell!?"

"Whoops! I thought you were just another moron knocking at my door," Larxene said in a sickly-sweet tone; a tone that Axel had come to understand to mean she was _pissed_. "I didn't think I'd actually get the _king_ of morons instead!"

"I'm _sorry_, okay?!" Axel howled from the floor, holding his hands over his nose that was now gushing blood. And not the perverted kind of nosebleed that he would have had if Larxene had answered the door in her underwear, but the kind one has after being kicked in the face. Just thought I'd clarify that.

"Do you know how many fucking times I've heard that?" She yelled, hands on her hips.

"But really, Larxene, I'm sorry!" Axel tried to scoot himself out of reach of any more ninja kicks. "We're taking you guys to The Usual Spot."

"The Usual Spot?"

"Yeah, you know, since Pumpkinhead's isn't there any more,"

Larxene stopped herself before she threw a pillow at Axel. Was he insinuating that they'd be spending their anniversary where they had their first date? That was almost... sweet.

"I mean, it's been a while since we've actually went on a date, right?" Axel asked, pulling himself up off the floor. "Just you, me, Rox and Nami. Just like the first time."

Larxene's glare softened. Damn, she was just gonna crack, just like that?

"Okay," She sighed. "But you're paying."

Meanwhile, several streets over, Roxas found himself at Naminé's apartment shortly after he left McMoogle's and ran home long enough to change out of his uniform and get rid of the lingering smell of french fry grease and over-cooked hamburgers (Axel's cologne went a long way... that and he really liked the smell). Naminé seemed to have calmed down a bit, though she was still giving Roxas the cold shoulder. And a lot of it.

"So, um, we're going out to The Usual Spot. We wanted to take you guys to Pumpkinhead's, but since it's not there anymore..."

Naminé's eyes brightened. "Oh really? Roxas, you're so sweet!" She tackled him with a hug that nearly knocked him over, and Roxas was happy that he'd at least gotten some brownie points.

It was about an hour later when Roxas and Naminé left, since they'd gotten caught up in doing... ahem, _things, _and another fifteen minutes before they made it out to The Usual Spot.

Roxas was feeling a little better about things, since Naminé seemed to have forgiven him, though she was still a little quiet and occasionally seemed to be avoiding his gaze. They walked into the restaurant, hand in hand, and holy shit! There was no fucking _way_ in the _nine levels of hell_ that they were here too!

"Oh, they're halfway there. O-OH! LIVIN' ON BREAD!"

"That's not how the song goes, Demyx!"

"It's not?"

"It's 'living on a _prayer_,' not 'living on bread' dumbass,"

"Oh," Silence. "O-OH! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!" (1)

"Demyx! SHUT UP! Got it memorized!?"

"Jeez Axel, I'm only trying to lighten the mood,"

"The only thing you're doing is giving me a headache,"

"Give him some credit, Axel,"

"Shut it, Zexion,"

"Okay, okay. Didn't know you caught Larxene's PMS..."

"Caught my _what_!?"

"Nothing,"

"That's what I thought you said,"

So tonight wasn't going to go exactly as planned...

**(1) "living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi.**

**Yeah, the whole "Living on bread" thing; true story. My sister's boyfriend actually thought that was how the song went, and my dad nearly crashed the car he was laughing so hard.**

**So, next chapter is somewhat random and introduces other characters, so in other words, I have all my pairings situated for this story! ^.^ And a special surprise in chapter five -laughs evilly-**

**Until the next time I update...**

**-Spoon-**


	4. Pairings Ahoy!

**Woohoo! More chapters than I've ever posted for anything else! And I'm still on a roll! There's a lot of dialogue this chapter, and I do have to say it's not my favorite, but it's getting things moving.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own blah blah blah...**

Chapter 4:

Pairings Ahoy!

Axel walked into The Usual Spot, dragging a still fuming Larxene behind him by the hand. It was nearing ten o clock pm, so the overall atmosphere of the restaurant had gone from freshly cooked food to cigarette smoke and alcohol, as well as the indignant screech of a small animal dying a thousand deaths coming from the karaoke stand. Axel smiled; not at the horrendous singing, but at the fact that the bar was nearly empty. There were only a few stragglers at scattered tables and maybe two sitting at the bar, and the two people at the karaoke mic that Axel was trying his hardest to ignore.

"Hey Kairi!" Axel hollered after he spotted his sister's auburn hair behind the bar.

Kairi looked up, smiled, and waved her brother and his girlfriend over to the bar.

"So, just you two tonight?" Kairi asked.

Axel and Larxene sat down, and Axel shook his head. "Rox and Nami should be here soon."

"Okay. Do you want anything while you're waiting?"

Axel looked over at Larxene, who just shrugged.

"Surprise us," He said, and Kairi nodded and winked before going to prepare their drinks.

Axel looked over at Larxene, who was doing a fine job at ignoring his presence, and making sure he knew it too. Axel sighed. Why did he have to go for the moody one? Larxene was pretty, and had a nice figure. She was a tough girl (with a powerful roundhouse kick), and she was very sarcastic. Axel really liked her, but he briefly wondered whether he _loved_ her. Roxas loved Naminé, but Axel couldn't really say that he was in love with Larxene.

"What?" Larxene sighed.

"Huh?"

"You're staring. What do you want?"

"Erm... are you still mad at me?"

"Yes,"

"What? Why?"

"You know why,"

The singing over at the karaoke mic was getting louder, and worse, and Larxene frowned.

"Seriously, why do they feel they have to put us all through torture just so they can embarrass themselves in public. I just don't get it," She said.

"Just ignore them, babe. If they don't stop before Roxas gets here with Naminé, I'll go over and shut them up myself. Otherwise, it'll ruin our date," Axel put on his seductive grin, and Larxene smirked a little.

"So long as I can watch..." She sang.

"SIX-SIX-SIX! THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST! SEVEN-SEVEN-SEVEN! THE NUMBER AFTER THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!"

_Oh holy shit, no!_ Axel thought as the singing became clearer, and he was able to put a face with the voice. Normally he was such a wonderful singer...

"EIGHT-EIGHT-EIGHT! THE NUMBER AFTER THE NUMBER AFTER THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!" (1)

"Demyx, will you just sing it like it shows on the screen!?"

"But my version is so much better!"

Axel slumped down in his seat, and Kairi came back with a couple of martinis.

"Just ignore him, and maybe he'll disappear before he sees us..."Axel groaned.

"Wow, I didn't know Dem sucked so bad at karaoke," Larxene said, an amused smirk on her face.

"Only when he's drunk," Kairi added. "He's been trying all night to get Zexion to sing something."

"Give me a shotgun and I'll put him out of his misery," Axel mumbled.

"One hundred munny says I can get Demyx to do 'It's Raining Men'," Kairi said.

"You're on," Axel said.

"HEY AXEL! HEY LARXENE! WHEN DID YOU GUYS GET HERE?"

Axel let his head fall to the counter, irritating the slight headache he still had from his earlier hangover. _Fuuuuuuck..._

"Hey Ax, he noticed you," Kairi sang.

"So I heard..."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE? COME JOIN US!"

"Stop yelling in the microphone..." Zexion's voice cut through.

Axel sighed and looked over at Larxene, who was eyeing him with that 'go over there and I'll fucking castrate you' look on her face.

"Erm, it'll only be until Roxas and Naminé get here..." Axel smiled guiltily. It had been a while since Demyx had gotten shit-faced enough to start making up his own lyrics, and as annoying as it got sometimes, it was rather entertaining.

Larxene frowned. "You promise?"

"Of course!"

She exhaled sharply through her nose. This was supposed to be a romantic date with her boyfriend, dammit! "Fine."

Axel grinned brightly as he left the bar, Larxene in tow and the martinis in his hands.

The karaoke stand consisted of several old couches and a flat-screen TV against the wall. On a busy night, it was normally heavily populated, but Tuesdays were slow days, which meant the only stragglers for the night were Demyx and Zexion, with the new addition of Larxene and Axel. Demyx seemed to be half-past shit-faced, while Zexion lounged on one of the sofas with a mildly bored expression on his face, and a half-finished drink in his hands. Whether it was his first drink for the night or his fifth, it certainly wasn't showing. Demyx on the other hand, it was no secret that he couldn't hold his liquor. That fact had gotten him taken advantage of so many times before; he tended to sleep around under the influence of alcohol, which was what had gotten him into guys in the first place. It was also the reason none of his relationships lasted very long. Axel had lovingly dubbed Demyx his 'slut buddy.'

Demyx practically squealed in delight as the two sat themselves down on one of the sofas, and Zexion had to yank Demyx down onto the sofa next to him to keep him from launching himself at Axel with a hug. Axel sent a thankful nod over to Zexion. Demyx hugs were often rather painful.

"So, what's the occasion that Demyx thinks he needs to drink up all of the bar's liquor?" Axel asked.

"Because I wouldn't play Guitar Hero with him," Zexion deadpanned. "So he thought karaoke was more appropriate."

"Which you still won't do with me!" Demyx added.

Zexion sighed. "For the three-hundred and twenty-seventh time, nothing you do, say, or slip into my drink, is going to make me sing 'Like a Virgin,' so stop asking."

"Why, are you a virgin?" Demyx asked with an innocent smile.

Zexion blushed, but faced Demyx with a hard glare. "No. I'm not."

"Oh really?"

"Dem, stop trying to get into Zexion's pants. At least wait until you get home. Or the back seat of your car," Axel deadpanned. Demyx gave him a horrified look and Zexion's face flushed visibly red while his one visible eye regarded Axel with a somewhat deadly expression.

"I'm _not_ trying to get into his pants!"

Axel grinned smugly, leaning back and throwing both arms over the back of the couch.

"Well, anyway, you wanna sing something, Axel?" Demyx asked, handing the microphone out to the redhead, who just regarded him with a "fuck no!" expression on his face.

"Suits yourself," Demyx shrugged, moving through the song list to find the next song to butcher. Demyx found one he liked and started artfully belting out the tune. Larxene sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Oh my God Demyx, you can stop singing now..."

"Oh, they're halfway there. O-OH! LIVIN' ON BREAD!" Demyx sang.

"That's not how the song goes, Demyx!" Zexion murmured, trying some sorry attempt at melding himself with the couch to avoid any association with the moron at the microphone.

"It's not?" Demyx asked innocently.

"It's 'living on a _prayer_,' not 'living on bread' dumbass," Axel said.

"Oh," Silence. "O-OH! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!"

"Demyx! SHUT UP! Got it memorized!?" Axel snapped.

"Jeez Axel, I'm only trying to lighten the mood,"

"The only thing you're doing is giving me a headache,"

"Give him some credit, Axel,"

"Shut it, Zexion,"

"Okay, okay. Didn't know you caught Larxene's PMS..."

"Caught my _what_!?"

"Nothing,"

"That's what I thought you said,"

"Erm... hey?" Roxas said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere with Naminé in tow.

Axel sighed in relief as his favorite blond came to the rescue (because in all honestly, Roxas really was his favorite).

Demyx started up his singing again, his volume increasing as Zexion corrected his lyrics, and Axel just sank further into his seat, holding his temples in attempt to fend off what he acted like was a migraine. Roxas just laughed in the seat next to the fuming redhead, holding his hands over his ears. Normally, Demyx was a phenomenal singer, but add a little alcohol into the mix, and Roxas thought he knew how Axel was feeling. Where was a well-placed brick when you need one?

Naminé had had less experience dealing with a drunk Demyx than the rest of them, so needless to say, she was a bit horrified.

"Is he always so..." Naminé started to ask, but Larxene, Zexion, Roxas and Axel finished for her.

"Annoying?"

"Vocal?"

"Brain damaged?"

"Batshit fucking insane?"

"...Well I was going for 'loud' but yeah, I guess he's all those too..."

"Yes. Yes he is..." Axel growled, trying his hardest to ignore Demyx's howling (at this point, he _refused_ to call it singing). "And he just won't shut up..."

"Watch and learn," Roxas said, grabbing an ice cube from from Zexion's abandoned drink before standing up and casually walking up behind Demyx. His back was now facing the five of them, as he dramatically belted out the wrong lyrics to a variety of songs while Zexion and Axel tried to detract from the fact that they actually _knew_ the moron while simultaneously correcting said mullet-haired freak's lyrics. Roxas pulled Demyx's shirt back and nonchalantly dropped the ice cube. The horrendous sounds of a wounded animal dying quickly changed to very girlish shrieks once Demyx noticed the freezing cold intrusion sliding down his skin, and he started doing a dance (though it looked more like a seizure) in attempt to remove the offending ice cube from his shirt.

"What the fuck!?" Demyx howled, finally extracting it.

Meanwhile, Roxas had reclaimed his seat, a pleased smile on his face, while everyone was looking at him with a mixture of shock, adoration and amazement.

"That was mean!" Demyx whined.

"So was your song," Roxas deadpanned.

"Hmph! You guys just don't appreciate fine music!"

"Whatever you say, Dem,"

Demyx glared at Roxas with what could be considered his best scowl. And with _'could,'_ I mean what would have been if he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't see straight, so in reality, he was glaring at a spot slightly above Naminé's head.

"I'm going to get another drink..." Demyx mumbled in defeat before heading over to the bar. He needed something strong...

"Roxas, you're my hero!" Zexion exclaimed in a very non-Zexion-like manner.

"How did you do that...?" Axel asked flatly. He had been trying for _years_ to find a way to shut Demyx up.

"Do you remember Sora's N'SYNC phase?" Roxas asked. Axel just nodded. "Well, there were certain tactics I had to use in order to shut him up when he decided to give me a 'concert' at two in the morning."

"Ah, I see," Axel said. "So, what are some of these other tactics?"

"I'm not telling you. I can see you using them just as a way to torture Demyx,"

"Shouldn't we be getting on with our date now?" Naminé asked

- - x - -

The food at The Usual Spot was something else. It had that small-town diner taste to it, and the only way to truly describe it, it was just good. Way better than McMoogle's. Roxas was grateful that they had decided to eat here, and even more grateful that, so long as Axel was the one who paid, they'd get a family discount since Kairi worked here. It all helped, since Axel's hospital bill from the month before (courtesy of a dangerous Demyx hug... into a brick wall. Axel had suffered a concussion and Demyx had double black eyes. Roxas sometimes considered making the two of them bubble-wrap suits) had put them into quite a hole. Roxas had ordered grilled cheese like he always did, while Axel had gone for the cheeseburger. And not one of those cheap-ass excuses for cheeseburgers that McMoogle's sold, but a real one. You know, still bloody in the middle and greasy enough to kill an elephant, with thick-ass fries on the side. Naminé wouldn't eat anything more than a salad since she for some reason thought she needed to lose weight, no matter how many times Roxas told her that she was sexy enough as she was. And Larxene, damn, that girl put both the boys to shame. She ate like a man! Axel was somewhat envious...

The girls were strangely quiet throughout the meal. Roxas kept trying to break the ice with small talk, occasionally getting a short conversation started for a few minutes before ending with a long awkward pause, but mostly getting angry glares. He didn't get it; what did they do that the girls were suddenly mad at them again? They'd brought them out to the site of their first date (well, the closest thing to it at least...), and while running into Dem and Zex had been a little unexpected, they still managed to break away and have their romantic date in the corner of the restaurant. Well, as romantic as you could get in a karaoke bar anyway (and thankfully, Demyx had abandoned the karaoke mic, and instead had lost three games of pool in a row to Zexion... and counting). Roxas had thought that they were forgiven; hell, he'd even had sex with Naminé prior to coming here, so why the sudden change in mood?

"Are you guys mad at us?" Axel broke the awkward silence with his question, the girls glanced at each other nervously and pushed their plates away, suddenly not hungry anymore.

"Um, I think we need to talk..." Naminé said. Both boys internally groaned. That was not a statement one generally likes to hear from their girlfriend.

"Okay..." Axel said.

Larxene cleared her throat. "Naminé and I talked some things out this morning, and we want you to know that we _do_ love you guys, don't get me wrong..." Roxas furrowed his brow. "But we've decided that maybe we shouldn't see you guys anymore."

"What!? Why the fuck not!?" Axel squeaked.

It was Naminé's turn. "Well, you guys forgot our anniversary for the third year in a row, but it's not just that. There's not really much of a relationship going on here anyway,"

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked, a little shocked.

"Well, any time we do anything, it's always as the four of us. The only time we have any alone time is when we have sex, and there are other things I'd like to do alone with my boyfriend, other than sexual things," Naminé stated matter-of-factly.

"We feel as if we're in some sort of weird foursome group relationship thing without much purpose," Larxene said. "But without the orgies."

"Come on, you gotta give us another chance!" Axel's voice was beginning to crack. "We can change, just give us a chance!"

The girls vigorously shook their heads. "We've given you too many chances already,"

"Naminé!"

"Larxene!"

"It's over," The girls said in unison, before standing up and walking away from the table and leaving the building altogether.

Axel and Roxas just sat there in dumb silence for a few minutes.

"Roxas?" Axel spoke up. "What just happened?"

"I think we just got dumped, dude,"

"Oh,"

A few more minutes of uncomfortable silence, before the boys broke down and did something they agreed to never speak of again. They started bawling like bitches.

And then got piss drunk.

**Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast," and something else that really happened. My brother and step-brother were playing Guitar Hero when my step-brother started making up his own lyrics to "the Number of the Beast." He got up to thirty-two before my brother threatened to maim him with the controller.**

**So yeah, Axel and Roxas are officially single! WOOT! We'll let the shock wear off so they can get on to the yaoi lovin'! And I promise, there's actual plot coming after next chapter.**

**Review! Because I have something special for everyone next chapter! **

**Your robot overlord,**

**-Spoon-**


	5. New! With a Fresh Lemon Scent!

**Random chapter time!**

**Click your heels three times and say "I need to get laid! I need to get laid!"**

**Disclaimer: I really need to fucking get laid!**

Chapter 5:

New! With a Fresh Lemon Scent!

Quarter to one am.

Larxene and Naminé had left at around eleven-thirty, leaving Axel and Roxas to get completely shit-faced for the next half hour. They had finally left at 12:15, along with a passed-out Demyx, and a nearly sober Zexion who had taken it upon himself to get everyone home without someone wrapping their car around a tree.

After that?

Absolutely nothing.

To put it bluntly, Kairi was bored. Business was practically non-existent at The Usual Spot tonight, save for the weird man seated by himself at one of the restaurant tables. She had been watching this customer out of boredom; she had even thought about going over to talk to him just for something to do, but decided against it, since he sort of radiated the creepy factor. She couldn't pin-point it exactly; maybe it was the long cape over his shoulders or the red bandages wrapped around his head, or maybe she was just being paranoid, but something about him screamed "stay away!" He didn't order anything to eat or drink, he just sat there and looked at his watch every five seconds. This was the part of the night where Kairi would plot, and this guy was giving her lots of crazy ideas. Maybe he was some sort of secret agent, and he was waiting for a contact or something like that to arrive. But then again, he looked a little too conspicuous to be a secret agent; weren't secret agents more James Bond-ish? Maybe there was a nuclear bomb in his suitcase, and he planned on blowing up Twilight Town. Nah, if someone were to blow someplace up, it would be Hollow Bastion; they had more people. Maybe he was from like Persia, and the bandages were supposed to be a turban? Who the fuck knows, because Kairi sure the hell didn't.

Kairi went back to cleaning up the bar, wiping the counters and cleaning the glasses that she'd already cleaned three times out of boredom. She shook her head of all crazy theories, and decided that Sora had been rubbing off on her. She wondered if Riku ever thought like Sora, and she never understood how Roxas came out of his childhood normal. Not that Roxas was exactly _normal_, I mean, he hung around with Axel for crying out loud!

The bell above the door _ding_-ed, signaling the appearance of another customer and crushing any hopes Kairi had of going home early. _Hm, maybe it's Mr. Mystery's contact or something..._

"Hey sexy,"

Kairi smirked at the smooth voice coming from the other side of the bar, and suddenly, being stuck here until two-thirty in the morning didn't sound so unpleasant anymore.

"Tell me you didn't leave Sora to terrorize the neighborhood by himself,"

"Are you kidding? I'm surprised he could even move after I was done with him,"

"Hm," Kairi smiled, turning around to face the silverhead sitting at the bar. "You started without me?"

Riku chuckled. "Nah, of course not. He saw a few pigeons outside and he's determined to win that bet he had with Axel about it being impossible to catch one."

"Hm, of course. How much did he bet?"

"Fifty munny,"

"Has he succeeded?"

"Not even close," Riku said. "He got pooped on once though."

Kairi giggled. "Figures," She said, turning around and making something special for Riku and for Sora when he came inside. "So what's bringing you here so late?"

"Bored," Riku sighed, laying his head on the counter. "And horny."

"Couldn't wait for me to come home?"

"Nope,"

Kairi turned back around and sat Riku's drink in front of him. "What's this?" He asked.

"Sex on the beach," She sang.

"Tease," Riku said, taking a big gulp.

The door _ding_-ed again, and she noticed that Mr. Bandages had decided he was bored of sitting there and being bored.

"Well, looks like I can close early now," Kairi sighed. She walked over to the door to flip the sign, chuckling when she saw Sora outside fall flat on his face as a pigeon escaped his clutches. Riku however, was more interested in watching how Kairi's breasts bounced when she walked, and at the large amount of skin that the low-cut shirt and miniskirt left for his wandering eye to see. Oh god, he was so fucking horny he couldn't see straight, and the only thing that Kairi was helping with was making him hard. He really needed to fuck Kairi, like _now_. Sora could join in when he was done trying to catch the pigeons.

Kairi had barely made it to the bar before she she found herself pinned against it by the hips. She squeaked at the sudden surprise, as Riku the Sex God was now right in her face, and oh so irresistible.

"Can't you at least wait until I finish closing before you rape me?"

"No,"

Riku leaned in; his lips were barely ghosting over Kairi's, and she was beginning to see her self-control crumble right before her eyes. She had specifically told them both, _not in the bar!_ If Saïx ever found out she had sex in the bar, she'd never hear the end of it, which is why it was really important that Riku stopped doing that _thing_ with his hands. The tips of his fingers were teasingly feeling under her skirt and along her panty-line; from her butt cheeks inward, toward that really sensitive area just outside her most private parts.

She wiggled her hips a bit, trying in earnest to guide Riku's hands away from _there_. "Riku, seriously, stop it..."

"C'mon, Kai," Riku whispered. "Saïx never has to find out. We'll help you clean up the mess after we're done."

She mistakenly let a gasp escape her lips when Riku ground his hips into her. He was hard, that much she could tell at first touch. What she was glad of, was that he couldn't automatically tell what this was doing to her. Oh, don't get me wrong, Riku knew _all_ of her weak spots, but she was trying really fucking hard to seem calm and collected. The kiss came as expected, and Kairi dully noted that Riku really needed to be introduced to a tube of chapstick before she submitted. Well, it wasn't really submitting so much as playing Riku at his own game. If he wanted to play, she would _play_. Unlike the boys, she didn't think with her cock (not that she had one, but you get my point), so she had a slight advantage.

She nibbled at Riku's lower lip; the kiss distracting him enough to where she was able to slip her hips away and slide back behind the bar, leaving an irritated and unabashedly aroused Riku where she had been standing moments before, mouth agape and aqua eyes narrowed.

"That wasn't nice..." He said.

"Not in the bar," She sang.

She turned on her heels in order to get the kitchen taken care of for the night when she found herself in an embrace from behind; Riku had practically leapt over the bar and captured her in a strong hug. Kairi's face flushed, partially from annoyance and partially from her current position and the cock grinding itself against her ass.

"Y-You're not going to give up until I give in, are you?" She asked.

"Nope,"

"Can't I at least lock the door?"

"Nope,"

Kairi was on the floor before she knew it; she wasn't sure whether she had fallen over herself or whether Riku had pushed her in his impatience, but she felt the impact in her butt when she hit the ground. Riku straddled her on all fours, silver hair hanging in pieces around a face that was totally masked over with lust. He leaned down and started trailing his lips down her neck; Kairi closed her eyes and whimpered at the sensation. It felt really fucking good, but she still had that lingering doubt in the back of her mind over what her boss would do if he found out about this. Saïx would fucking freak.

Kairi officially surrendered when her shirt slipped over her head. Riku tossed it over to the side, not caring where it went, before skilled fingers began unclasping Kairi's bra, almost teasingly slowly. Whimpering, she brought her hands up to guide him, shedding her bra and moaning loudly as Riku teased her tits and nipples. She almost whined when he stopped.

Hands found their way up her thighs, and her underwear were pulled off in one swift movement. Riku wasn't wasting any time, he decided, and his fingers found where they sought and had Kairi writhing. The sight was so... _arousing_ that Riku's cock strained against the confines of his pants.

"Couldn't wait for me?"

Kairi and Riku both looked up to see Sora leaning over the bar, watching with a rather amused expression on his face.

"Get down here..." Riku ground out through gritted teeth.

"Hm, I'm rather enjoying just watching," Sora smiled in a teasing manner.

Riku growled and reached up, grabbing Sora's arm and yaking him down the the floor over the edge of the bar; the brunet yelped, landing awkwardly in Riku's strong arms before the silverhead began ravishing his mouth for all it was worth. Sora squeaked in surprise, a little taken aback by Riku's ferocity, but responding nonetheless. Kairi's grin was five miles wide. Watching those two was always her favorite part.

Sora's face flushed red when Riku's hands started roaming underneath his shirt, and he let out a gasp of surprise when he noticed the zipper of his pants being pulled down. Damn, Riku was getting ahead of himself. Wait a second... that wasn't Riku. Sora moaned loudly when Kairi's mouth engulfed him. If he wasn't rock hard before, he certainly was now. Riku and Kairi both smirked into their ministrations; Sora was seemingly the most innocent out of the group, but as they've come to find out, in reality, innocent uke Sora was the most promiscuous of them all most of the time. Riku would brag that it was indeed _him_ that made Sora the best swallower in the history of forever, and to Kairi, when it came to oral sex, she'd go to Sora even before she went to Riku for relief. And Riku was sex on legs.

Riku stopped his ministrations on Sora, laying him on his back on the ground, and turned his attention back to Kairi, who was so turned on by this point that she had started leaking onto Riku's pant leg, grinding against his leg in attempt to create the much needed friction she needed for release. She groaned softly, the vibrations she created around Sora causing him to cry out. The pleasing fabric of Riku's pants disappeared as Riku's hands guided her hips so that she was situated with her ass in the air and her legs spread, and her skirt pulled up around her waist, exposing her.

Kairi mewled when Riku's fingers found their way to her pussy again; the contact was all too brief when they slipped right back out, and she yelped when one finger started poking at her ass. She released Sora's cock to look behind her, glaring at Riku for the lack of warning. Riku gave her a reassuring smile, and she turned back around to continue sucking Sora off. Riku tried to be careful; Sora was always in the middle when the three of them fucked together, so he was aware that Kairi had never taken it this way before. They were fucking in a new place, so he was ready to switch things up a bit and let Kairi experience the pleasure of being taken from both ends. He pushed in another finger and Kairi clenched down, releasing Sora again and turning back around.

"Ow! Riku!"

"Relax. I'm gonna end up ripping you if you don't relax,"

"J-Just try and slow DOWN," Riku scissored his fingers, making Kairi yelp in surprise as the unexpected action sent a jolt of pain through her. This was very uncomfortable. It didn't hurt quite as much as she thought it would, but then again this was just what two fingers felt like. How badly would it hurt when Riku stuck his whole cock up there? Sora had sat up and was trailing kisses down Kairi's neck in attempt to distract her.

"Relax Kai. It gets better, I promise," Sora said quietly.

Kairi winced and gripped Sora's shoulders tightly as Riku continued wiggling his fingers, and she groaned in pain as a third finger joined the other two. She forced herself to relax, finding that it hurt less when her pelvic muscles weren't trying to force Riku's fingers out. It felt weird. The pain was fading a bit as her body got used to it, and she almost felt disappointed when Riku removed himself from her tight heat.

Riku and Sora both grabbed her hips and shifted her position so that she was straddling Sora's hips. She grabbed a hold of Sora's unbuttoned jeans and pulled them down to his knees before impaling herself on Sora. She moaned loudly, finally getting that feeling of being filled with something bigger than a few fingers. Sora was in complete bliss, to be buried inside of something so tight and wet and hot, and the way that Kairi was panting with closed eyes and swollen lips just made him that much harder. It was taking all of his will power not to throw Kairi onto her back and doing her hard on the floor. This had been Riku's idea in the first place, and the only reason that Sora had gotten out of bed to come to The Usual Spot in the first place was because the silverhead wanted to try something new with their threesome. Kairi was sure to love it.

Riku removed himself of his pants and boxers, finally freeing his throbbing erection and using one hand to press between Kairi's bare shoulder blades and bend her forward so he had a better angle at which to enter. He lubed himself up with his pre-cum and placed the head of his erection at Kairi's second hole. Kairi mewled; the fact that his cock was _right there_ and just barely touching her was so arousing.

"Ready?" Riku asked, and Kairi nodded stiffly.

"A-Ahh," Kairi's cry was of pain and pleasure as Riku sheathed himself; the simple action of his member moving forward pressed Sora's that much closer to her sweet spot.

It didn't take long for Kairi to adjust, and she was the first one to move; using her legs to lift herself and then drop right back down, the strange feeling of being filled in both ends gave her a new pleasure that she had never felt before. Both of the boys moaned loudly. Sora was lost in the feel of her pussy massaging his shaft, while Riku was rather enjoying the twitch her butt muscles gave. She moved again, this time both the boys matched her thrust by moving their hips upward and leaning forward to kiss whatever part of her body they could easily access. Her skin was salty with sweat; her twat was leaking its juices and running down Sora's legs into a puddle on the floor.

"S-Sora... Riku..." Kairi moaned, repeating their names as a mantra as she buried her face in Sora's chest and biting into the tanned skin there. Riku and Sora leaned over her head and their lips met in a hot kiss, tongues fighting over dominance. Kairi brought her head back up and tangled her hands in their hair, one in Sora's and one in Riku's as she rocked her hips harder and faster. She smiled at their kiss, bringing her face in and the two accommodated her into an awkward triple kiss. Kairi was in bliss. Her clitoris was rubbing against Sora's pelvis while the boys attacked her from inside, Sora's shaft rubbing delightfully over her G-spot while Riku's pressed against her inner walls with every thrust and pushed Sora's that much further into her pleasure spot.

"O-Oh God! Ahn!"

There was a burning sensation in Kairi's pelvis, and she knew she was getting close, the boys' increased pace and heavy breathing into the kiss signaled that they weren't going to last much longer either. The kiss broke and Kairi felt those customary spasms deep inside her pelvis as she came, loudly moaning with each spasm. Riku and Sora felt the effects of her orgasm and they both came hard inside of her at the exact same time.

The climax was over in a few seconds and the trio fell into a sweaty, panting heap on the floor, perfectly content to just lay there and not move. Riku was the first to pull out, eliciting a pained whimper from Kairi as he rolled over into a puddle of cum on the floor. Shit, he was going to have one hell of a time trying to wash the cum stains from his clothes. Kairi shakily pulled away from Sora, the latter just laying there on the floor with a satisfied grin on his face. Kairi's legs felt like jell-o and she was now beginning to notice the soreness in her ass, and she decided right then and there that _that_ was the single best lay she had ever had in her life!

She fell back down to the floor, half-laying on Sora and half-laying on Riku, and let out a small chuckle.

"What?" Sora asked around a heavy breath.

Kairi shook her head, smiling. "Just wondering how I ended up with you two."

"Because you love us," Riku said with a smirk.

"I guess," Kairi said.

Next project on the list: Clean up the mess before Saïx shows up.

**Oh, come on, you _know_ they're having wild sex orgies on the beach back on the islands!**

**Kairi never gets any lovin' (and by 'lovin' I mean hot sweaty sex) in most fics to I decided to get her laid! This was my first attempt at a boy/girl lemon (or in this case boy/girl/boy), and it also completely ruined my attempt at keeping this a T-rated fic, but the mind vomit that is this story was calling for some good, pointless sex, so here you go! This will also be the last chapter that gets updated super-quickly, because I go back to work (two weeks just isn't long enough for a vacation TT_TT), so I'll have less spare time to work on this, but I'll try to have this updated at least once a week or so.**

**I also gave DiZ a little cameo in this chappie. Don't know whether he'll show up again. Maybe. Maybe not.**

**This scene was written under the influence of alcohol, and apparently, I can't spell worth shit while shit-faced. Lucky that I beta my own works, because I'm sure anyone else would have thrown the computer at my head.**

**Egg salad!**

**-spoon-**


	6. No Axel, You Don't Burn he House Down

**Oh my God! She actually updated something!**

**No seriously, I suppose this is my contribution to AkuRoku day, and it was originally supposed to be a one-shot on its own, but I think it fit in more here, so here it is. I know it's short, but it's just a little filler before everything starts getting exciting. The main plot is coming up soon.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine! Except for the crazy squirrel monkey, that's mine!**

Chapter 6:

No Axel, You Don't Burn the House Down

_"The roof, the roof the roof is on fire! We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn! Burn, motherfucker, burn!" (1)_

For a second, Axel thought he had finally lost it, before he realized that he was still asleep and the words he was hearing was actually a song, and not disembodied voices in his head telling him to burn the house down. He had to wonder for a second why he was hearing that particular song, because as far as he could tell, his stereo had been off when he'd fallen asleep. He opened his eyes to see that the stereo had been switched on, presumably by Roxas, who was standing beside it with his hand on the play button, looking as if he'd literally just rolled out of bed. Roxas's attention was not on Axel however; he was lazily flipping through songs on a variety of CD's with a disgruntled scowl on his face. Axel looked over at the digital clock on top of the TV.

"Roxas, what the hell are you doing? It's three-thirty in the morning," Axel mumbled.

"How can you stand to listen to this stuff? It's all angry and depressing,"

"It's _not_ depressing. Just angry," Axel mumbled.

Roxas sighed before switching the stereo back off. Axel sat up on the couch, stretching to rid himself of the soreness from sleeping in a cramped position for so long, and shivering due to the lack of heat in their apartment. Roxas stiffly sat on the couch beside him.

"Sorry," Roxas grumbled.

"Why?"

"I couldn't sleep,"

"So?"

"I woke you up,"

"And?"

"I didn't mean to,"

"Well when you switch the stereo on at three-thirty in the morning, it's kinda hard _not_ to wake somebody up,"

Roxas yawned and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in his arms. He honestly had no idea what compelled him to get out of bed in the first place; maybe it was still the after-shock effect of being dumped? Who knew? All Roxas knew was that he wanted to clean something, even in his disoriented state of mind. It was what he did when he was upset. Unfortunately, the last week, outside of work, had been spent cleaning, tidying, and more cleaning, and the only thing that was really left to clean was Axel's room, which Roxas downright refused to touch. Axel's bed had practically broken under the weight of everything piled on it (so instead of cleaning it, Axel got lazy and slept on the couch instead), and judging by the smell emanating from that room, there was a corpse laying dead and rotting somewhere. But this was just Roxas's opinion.

"Hey, you fall asleep over there?" Axel asked, lightly shaking Roxas's shoulder.

"No,"

"Oh. You got quiet there for a second,"

"Mmm,"

Roxas lifted his head, his vision blurrier than normal, and he inhaled a deep breath.

"You know, it seems so much quieter without them," Roxas said.

"Huh?"

"You know, without the girls jabbering with each other or yelling at us for being awake so late at night,"

"Yeah. But it's almost a relief at the same time. No more of Larxene's roundhouse kicks,"

Roxas laughed lightly, and Axel smiled at hearing this. Roxas could be bitchy and moody sometimes, but he had a wonderful laugh.

Axel did another one of his acting-without-thinking things and threw himself back down on the couch, taking a groggy and newly surprised Roxas down with him. Roxas yelped, suddenly trapped in a cage of lanky arms and long legs; a curtain of messy red hair falling over his shoulders and chest.

"Axel! What the hell?"

Axel dug his nose into the back of Roxas's neck. "It's cold in here and I'm tired. And you're very warm,"

"Let me go, perv,"

"No,"

Roxas grunted and squirmed a little, before he decided that it was pretty much futile, considering Axel had him in a death grip and he was too tired to attempt much of a real struggle anyway. He smiled and settled into it a bit, noticing that his redheaded best friend was a nice relief from the almost everlasting cold of their apartment.

"Fine. But could you at least pull up the blanket?"

Axel complied, pulling his large heavy quilt over the two of them to fend off the cold, before resuming his original position and burying his face in the back of Roxas's head and slinging an arm over the blond's chest. Axel noted how much Roxas still smelled of sea-salt ice cream. Roxas noted that Axel smelled somewhat like vanilla, meaning he had been using the blond's hair care products again.

But he decided that it wasn't that important right now, considering the only thing he wanted right now was to get back to sleep.

Roxas fell asleep almost instantly, and Axel drifted off a few moments later, dreaming as he so often did of Roxas and sea-salt ice cream.

**(1) "Sway" by Coal Chamber. I actually woke up to that song once, and momentarily thought that the house was actually on fire! -sweat drop-**

**Well anyway, leave me some pretty reviews, because they keep Lord Cthulhu from devouring you!**

**-spoon-**


	7. So She's the Clumsy type

Chapter 7:

So She's the Clumsy Type

_Clack!_

The noise woke Zexion, and he laid there for a moment, disoriented, wondering to himself whether that noise was real or whether his subconscious just created it as a way to wake him up.

_Clack!_

Okay, so it was real. He turned in his bed to look out his window. The sky was a lovely shade of gray, so Zexion figured a storm was brewing. It could be hail. It was nearing tornado season and hail was a common thing in those kind of storms.

_Clack!_

An _annoying_ part of those kinds of storms, he noted.

_THUNK!_

_Okaaaaay, that's not hail._ Zexion thought to himself as he crawled out of bed, mussing up his hair in the process. He looked at the clock as he lumbered his way to his window. Damn, what an ungodly hour to have to be dragged out of bed; and he didn't even know why. What the hell was making that sound?

_Clack!_

This time, Zexion saw the pebble hit his window, and he sighed. He knew who was there before he even looked out the window. He put on the best scowl he could muster, before yanking the window open and hanging himself out halfway to glare at the blond man on the lawn below.

"Demyx, there better be a good reason for you to be throwing rocks at my window at eight o clock in the morning," Zexion deadpanned.

"Hi Zexy! Um, I just came to remind you that we're supposed to meet Axel later at the pier!" Demyx nearly yelled, causing Zexion to flinch.

"I don't think I need to repeat that my parents are sleeping right now, and they're already weary of the fact that I'm hanging out with college kids, and even more unhappy with the fact that your roommate keeps trying to molest me, so it would probably be smart to lower your voice. I can't guarantee that my dad won't run out of the house in his underwear with a shotgun again,"

Demyx flinched as he remembered his first encounter with Zexion's parents, and decided to take the silverhead's advice. "Sorry. Sorry. Can I come up?" Demyx asked in a more hushed voice.

"Why not?" Zexion sighed. "It's not like I can get back to sleep again anyway."

Demyx grinned widely and started climbing his way up the trellis under Zexion's window. Zexion sighed at Demyx's impatience. He would have gone downstairs and let him in the front door; it would have been the logical method of entry, and would have looked less suspicious. Zexion almost felt like the girl that was sneaking a boy into her room. He supposed that in a weird sort of way, he kinda _was_; his parents weren't very fond of Demyx so he normally had to sneak him in anyway, and he normally he made sure his hair and clothes looked perfect before associating with Demyx, but right now he was too sleepy to bother caring that his hair was a mess and that he was still in his pajamas. He sighed when Demyx, amazingly enough, made his way through the window without incident. Dem was a little... clumsy, to say the least.

"So, was there a reason you stopped by so early? I happen to know that Axel doesn't get out of bed before noon unless he has to work or go to class," Zexion yawned, sitting down on his bed.

"Well, I got bored, and Marluxia was snoring really loud, so I thought I'd stop by and see my Zexy,"

"Don't call me that..."

"Aw, why not?"

"Because I hate that nickname,"

"But it rhymes with 'Sexy'," Demyx smiled.

Zexion glared at him, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. "That's why I hate it!"

"So you hate it when I call you 'Sexy Zexy'?"

"No, I hate it when _Marluxia_ calls me 'Sexy Zexy',"

Demyx smiled wider. Zexion blushed deeper.

"That's not what I meant, asshole!" Zexion exclaimed.

"Sure it isn't,"

Zexion scowled and turned his head away, crossing his arms in anger. He hated when Demyx teased him like this...

"Sooooo," Demyx began. "What say we just call Axel now and have him meet us early?"

Zexion just shrugged his shoulders, not removing his gaze from his desk across the room, as his own way of saying "Do whatever you want."

Demyx smiled and pulled out his cell phone, hitting the speed-dial that would momentarily get him a sleepy, and likely very angry Axel. The line at the other end rang a few times, Demyx contently humming to himself and Zexion regaining enough curiosity to at least stop pretending that Demyx wasn't there.

The line finally stopped moving, and after a moment of clumsy shuffling on the other end, a groggy voice finally answered. _"Mmm... ello?"_

"Hiya Axel!" Demyx chirped in his chirpy voice that should never exist at this ungodly hour in the morning. There was a loud audible groan as Axel identified the caller, and Zexion finally turned his attention to the conversation. "Just wanted to see what my favorite pyromaniac was doing."

Axel rubbed his eyes and tried to make sure he was at least holding the right portion of the phone to his ear. Or that he had the phone at his ear in the first place. Well, he could hear Demyx, so that was a start, right? "Sleeping. Wha you thinnnk?" He slurred.

_"Well, Zexy and I just wanted to see if you were up for going to the pier a little early today,"_

Axel stirred, noting that Roxas was still pressed against him, lightly snoring. He tried to keep still; even though Roxas had half-way agreed to this earlier in the night, he didn't figure the blond would be very happy when he woke up and found that he was practically snuggling with Axel. Axel rather liked their position and wanted to keep it that way as long as possible.

"What time is it?" Axel grumbled, reaching around for an alarm clock that wasn't there.

_"About ten after eight,"_ Demyx responded.

"What!? What the hell Dem? Why so early? It's spring break and I don't have to work,"

Demyx smiled; he was naturally a morning person, so it didn't bother him in the slightest to wake up everyone he knew, whether they threatened his life or not. "Well, Marly was snoring, so I came and woke up Zexy, and now we wanted to see if you wanted to catch the amusement park before it starts getting crowded,"

There was another low groan from the other end of the phone and then a short silence, followed by a very loud _"Axel! What the hell!? Let go of me you perv!"_

_"Gah! Roxas! That's my ribcage!"_

Axel curled in on himself to protect any other vulnerable body parts as Roxas started squirming, trying to free himself. His elbow found its way into Axel's diaphragm.

"Ow! You agreed to this, remember?"

There was a noticeable silence on the other side of the line, as Demyx sat there with a confused expression on his face. Did he interrupt something? He knew Axel and Roxas were close but _dayum!_

"Erm, what were you doing exactly?" He asked warily.

_"Sleeping,"_ Axel answered, followed by the sounds of more shuffling and then eventual footsteps that sounded like Roxas finally walking off.

"...With Roxas?" Now Zexion was _very_ curious.

_"Yeah,"_ Axel yawned. Demyx and Zexion's silence brought him to full attention as to what he just said. _"Wait, what? No! Not like that! Dammit Demyx, get your head out of the gutter! I didn't **sleep** sleep with Roxas!"_

"Yeah, sure you didn't," Demyx deadpanned. "And I just banged Zexion into the mattress." Zexion coughed and smacked Demyx over the head for that comment.

Axel cringed at the mental images. "_Goodbye_ Demyx," He growled out.

_"Remember, the pier,"_ Demyx sang.

"Yeah yeah, I'll meet you in an hour!" Axel slapped the phone back down on the receiver and then buried himself back under his blanket, smelling the residual Roxas under the quilt. He sighed, as he listened to the shower start down the hallway.

This was going to be a long day.

- - x - -

Roxas frowned as he sat on the bench at Sunset Station, waiting for Hayner, Pence and Olette who, according to his cellphone time, should have been there ten minutes ago. The station was rather busy today; with school being out for spring break, all the high schoolers and college kids were out and about, and Roxas watched as the third train pulled into the station in the last twenty minutes, and _again_, his friends didn't step off. He checked his phone again for the umpteenth time out of habit. Roxas had half a mind to just call Hayner and find out what the hell was going on, as to why they were so late.

He didn't have to though, since a very winded sounding "Roxas!" echoed through the station. Hayner, Pence and Olette ran up the station stairs, each one of them sweaty and notably exhausted, with Pence seeming more worse for wear than the rest of them. He really needed to lay off the snack food.

"Sorry," Olette panted. "Hayner... got into a fight... with Seifer... and they kicked us off the train."

"We had to take the tunnels," Pence wheezed.

"But the assholes still let Seifer and his goonies take the train," Hayner growled. Roxas just regarded them with a rather blank stare. He did recall seing Seifer, Rai and Fuu about ten minutes ago getting off one of the trains, but he was too tired and too grouchy to really process much. He was also really hungry, since he didn't stick around the apartment long enough to eat anything. He was still a little pissed at Axel for practically groping him in his sleep.

Roxas shrugged his shoulders and quirked the corner of his mouth in half boredom and half acknowledgement. "It's okay, I guess. Let's just head on over to the amusement park,"

"Oh _please_ can't we rest for a minute?" Pence pleaded, grasping onto the railing as if it were his lifeline.

"C'mon Pence, you need the exercise," Hayner said.

"Hayner! That's not nice!" Olette hollered.

"Come on, let's just get on the train and go. It's only another hundred or so feet to walk, Pence," Roxas said, walking away from his friends toward the ticket counter to pay for the tickets to the beach.

"But Roxas, we just _ran_ through the _tunnels_!"

But Roxas was already out of earshot, up at the ticket window with his wallet out to pay the old lady behind the counter for their tickets. Pence whined, but they followed Roxas.

Roxas turned around with four tickets to the beach in his hands. "I hope you brought your munny, because I'm not paying for your food too," He said.

"It's okay. I got it," Olette said, gesturing to her purse.

"Let's get on the train. I need to sit down," Pence said, forcing his aching legs to carry him the hundred or so feet to the train.

"Seriously," Hayner spoke up. "Why are we heading to the beach when it's still too cold to swim?"

"The amusement park, duh!" Roxas said. "The pier is kinda _at_ the beach."

"I knew that,"

The three of them followed Pence onto the train, taking their seats by the door like they always did. The train was rather full today, being spring break and all. The beach was a popular destination this time of year; the high school and college kids all had the same week off to do whatever, and the amusement park was really the only thing Twilight Town had, so that's where everybody tended to wander off to, along with a few tourists dumb enough to trek into the ocean waters when the water was still near freezing and the jellyfish were in near shore. So the train was rather noisy with people that Roxas recognized from around town and the afore-mentioned tourists.

Roxas was actually looking forward to the day for once. He'd been so wrapped up with Naminé and Axel lately, that he hadn't had much time to hang out with his other friends. He and Axel had discussed this the other day; Axel was spending the day at the arcade with Demyx and Zexion while Roxas was hanging out with the gang, giving them a break away from their normal daily routine of college and work as well as some space away from each other, since the stress of their recent break-ups with Naminé and Larxene had them at each other's throats at times, not to mention that Axel was perving out on Roxas now more than usual. Roxas was grateful that Hayner, Pence and Olette had all managed to get the same day off from work; everybody had a different schedule between work, school and significant others that time together like they had in high school just didn't come around very much.

"So, I heard they finally opened up that new roller coaster," Hayner said.

"What? Heartless?" Pence asked.

"Yeah, that one,"

"God, I hate roller coasters..." Roxas groaned.

"You say that every time we go to the pier," Pence said.

"That's because you always make me go on the biggest roller coaster there. Every single time!"

"But you always agree," Hayner said.

"That's because you're a manipulative little bastard!"

"Roxas, you don't have to go on the roller coaster if you don't want to,"

"_Thank_ you Olette,"

"Yeah, you can just be the purse-holder instead,"

"Shut up, Hayner!"

Hayner and Pence started laughing, while Olette gave them her "You guys are so immature" eye roll. Roxas just sulked. He found himself getting irritated easier anymore, perhaps because he was still sulking over Naminé? That was part of the reason that Hayner had suggested this trip to begin with; because, in Hayner's eyes, Roxas needed to get over Naminé and find himself a new girlfriend. Maybe that was true, he really didn't know.

I suppose all he could do was see what happened.

- - x - -

Roxas had managed to find himself in a very foul mood. It was partially his own fault; really, it was his own fault that he let Hayner and Pence talk him into going on the new roller coaster. It was his own fault for eating three chili dogs before riding said roller coaster. And it was his own fault that he threw up on the lady in the cart in front of him. But he was still blaming the whole thing on Hayner and Pence, after all it was their idea in the first place. And he was considering making them buy his food, considering that in his mind, it was _their _fault that he was hungry again.

Roxas's stomach churned as he approached the burger stand, partially because of the horrifying experience he just had on Twilight Town's biggest roller coaster, but mostly because he was really really hungry again.

He looked up at the menu, his eyes automatically wandering over to the chili dogs like usual, but the lurch his stomach gave him at the thought told him that he should probably choose something that looks a little less like vomit to settle his stomach.

"Hello, can I help you?" the girl who was working the stand said in a chirpy voice that went straight to Roxas's mood, throwing him closer to just knocking somebody's head clean off.

"Cheeseburger," Roxas said. "Extra cheese."

"That'll be three-fifty," she sang.

Roxas grumbled, mentally cursing amusement park prices while digging in his pocket for his munny. He handed it to her and she put it in the till before walking around back to tell the cook Roxas's order.

Roxas stood back and sighed; he honestly didn't feel like waiting, but unless he wanted E. Coli or something, he really didn't have a choice. He pulled his cell pone out of his pocket to check the time. It was nearing noon; he decided to wait for his food and then find his friends after he was finished eating. It would give him some time to calm his mood down as well...

CRASH!!

"Oh my God! I'm sorry!"

Roxas honestly ad no idea what just happened; the only thing he knew was that something collided flat with his back, followed by a crash and a loud, girlish squeal.

He turned around to see who he at first thought was Kairi, before remembering that Kairi didn't have black hair and wasn't dumb enough to go walking around Twilight Town in April wearing a bikini top and a pair of short shorts. This girl was a tourist, no doubt about that.

"I am _so_ sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going! I'm sorry!" She babbled, reaching down to pick up the shopping bags that she dropped. Roxas bent down to help her as she muttered apologies left and right, trying to calm her down at the same time.

"It's okay, don't be sorry," He said.

"I am such a klutz," The strange girl muttered, taking her bags from Roxas, her face glowing red with embarrassment.

"Erm, I've never seen you around here before..." Roxas said. He got a good look at her face for the first time, and thought that she was really cute.

"Oh, um, I'm new here. I just transferred to Twilight University from Hollow Bastion, and this is only my second day in town..."

Hollow Bastion, huh? Roxas guessed that would explain the summer clothes, since Hollow Bastion was a bit warmer that Twilight Town.

"Really? What's your major?" Roxas asked.

"Fashion design," She answered quickly. "Pretty typical, huh?"

"My ex-girlfriend is in that class. It's not a very big class,"

"That's why I transferred here. I do better in smaller classroom formats,"

"Well Twilight University is a small college, so it all works out,"

"I'm Xion," She said, holding her hand out. Roxas chuckled and she frowned. "What? What's so funny?"

"That's a strange name,"

"Oh really, what's yours?"

"Roxas,"

"Like that's any weirder," She scoffed, a smile forming on her face.

"Well, you're new, so I can show you around a bit if you'd like," Roxas said.

Xion's face brightened. "That would be great!"

There was a ding from somewhere behind Roxas, and he turned around, where the chirpy girl behind the counter was holding his cheeseburger.

"Your order, sir,"

- - x - -

"Axel, you don't have to be so sore about it, it's only a game," Demyx said, starting to get a little annoyed at the death glares that the redhead was shooting toward Zexion.

"But my high score is ruined!"

"Your high score wasn't all that impressive anyway. I've gotten even higher on the console version," Zexion yawned.

"That's because you're a nerd that stays in and plays it all day. I don't have a Wii to play it on at home,"

They continued bantering as the three of them strolled through the amusement park, looking for somewhere decent to spend lunch. The arcade had quickly become unbearable, mainly because Axel and Demyx couldn't stand up to Zexion's superiority where video games were concerned. And it didn't help much that Axel was a sore loser when it came to video games. Anyway, it didn't matter; Axel was hungry and he really had a hankering for something deep-fried right now. Deep-fried and very very greasy.

There was a loud gurgle and Demyx groaned, holding his stomach. "Man, I am _so_ hungry..."

"You should have eaten breakfast," Zexion deadpanned.

"I couldn't. Marluxia was snoring!"

"How does that stop you from eating breakfast?"

"Because it was really annoying,"

"Dem, you snore just as loud," Axel said.

"I do not!"

"He does?"

"Yeah, he talks in his sleep too. You should hear him. '_Ooh Zex'—_ow!"

"Shut up!" Demyx growled, his face turning red. Demyx made a move to start chasing after Axel, so the redhead started laughing and ran on ahead. Demyx quickly followed suit, shouting "Get back here, asshole!" while Zexion continued at his slow pace while pretending he didn't know them.

Demyx didn't pay much attention to where exactly Axel was, which is why he ran smack into Axel's back as the redhead stopped and just stood in the middle of the walkway, glaring ahead.

Axel wasn't sure why he was suddenly so pissed, but he figured that seeing Roxas walking arm in arm with some strange, black-haired girl might have had something to do with it.

He had to stop and wonder why he even cared in the first place; it wasn't like he wasn't used to watching him macking on Naminé. He knew Roxas liked girls, they'd even planned on going bar-hopping to pick up girls that weekend. At first, he thought it was just jealously that Roxas had managed to find a girl first, but what was really pissing him off was the fact that this girl was _touching_ Roxas.

That's what had Axel so confused.

Sure, he was bi. That was a well known fact.

But Roxas?

He stood there while his insides churned and tried to tell himself that he did _not_ like Roxas in that way. Roxas was his best friend, and yeah, it's true that he'd always been sweet on Roxas, but he'd always meant all his inappropriate touching as a way to tease Roxas. He'd always thought Roxas was cute when he blushed...

And that's when it all dawned on him.

_Fuuuuuuuuuck..._

Roxas.

Roxas?

He liked Roxas.

And it was when that girl gave Roxas _that look_ that Axel did what was probably the second stupidest thing in his life.

Well, it could be said that Roxas didn't know what hit him when he was glomped to the ground by six feet of Axel.

**Well, it looks like we're getting somewhere, ne?**

**I didn't proofread this chapter, so please excuse my misspellings; I wanted to get this out for everybody to see, so here it is!**

**Review, and I won't hunt you down^.^**


	8. Two Glomps and an Ice Cream

Wow, two story uploads in a week? That never happens!

We've got another flashback chapter, I was originally going to start it off where I last left off at the glomp, but I was compelled to write this instead.

The chapter title more or less came about because the last thing I was listening to when I finished this chapter was Mindless Self Indulgence. Plus one hundred internets if you know the song in question.

–

Chapter 8:

Two Glomps and an Ice Cream

Their story begins on a wet autumn day, on the playground of Sunset Elementary School.

Not every friendship begins with a perfect tale of destiny intervening to bring together two best friends who are destined to be together for the remainder of their lives; but every friendship has that beginning, even if it's a beginning that one or both of the participants never wants to remember again for the rest of their lives. Axel and Roxas's story begins in much this way, with a case of mistaken identity and a romp in a mud puddle... and a bar of sea-salt ice cream shared after a glomp to the ground.

The only thing that Roxas ever really remembered about first grade (Other than basic arithmetic and meeting the fiery ball of red hair that he would come to call his best friend), was that he was small, so very small. And that he had to suffer for it. He tried to pretend that the wedgies didn't really hurt, or that it didn't bother him that he was picked last for sports in gym class, and he tried his hardest to ignore the fact that he was the only one in his class that hadn't really made any friends. So he was more at home with sitting against the edge of the building at recess and playing with the bugs instead of his classmates, it's not like that was a crime, right? Roxas, though he was only six years old, liked to think that he was perfectly normal; that there was nothing wrong with waiting over by where the rest of his class would line up when the bell rang and just sit on the white line for that twenty minute period. He liked to think that he wasn't really jealous that Sora was over across the playground, playing with his new friend, Riku, instead of keeping his twin brother company. He was trying his hardest to ignore the fact that Seifer had abandoned picking on Hayner to lay a hungry eye over toward where he was standing, alone and so wedgie-prone.

Roxas didn't have to think twice before abandoning his usual post; he would gladly take the awkwardness of asking someone if he could join them in their game over one of Seifer's wedgies any day.

Roxas approached Sora and Riku, who seemed to be having some sort of contest on the swings on who could swing the highest (Sora was losing miserably), a bit weary in his approach considering that got him that much closer to where Seifer was standing, and there were a couple of redheaded boys that Roxas didn't recognize who were arguing amongst themselves and a small redheaded girl from his class over the swing next to Sora.

"Hi!... Roxas!..." Sora exclaimed with every swing.

"Can I play with you guys?" Roxas asked, a bit timidly.

Riku slowed himself on his swing, digging some new trenches in the muddy mulch under his feet in his attempt to identify the newcomer that had captured his Sora's attention. Sora skidded to a stop much easier, before turning to his blond brother with a smile.

"Of course!"

Roxas smiled and heaved himself into the swing that was next to Sora, struggling since it was the infamous "tall" swing and he just so happened to be the shortest boy in his class, and completely disregarding the three redheads who were standing not ten feet away in their brotherly (and sisterly) squabble. A squabble that went something along the lines of Kairi whining because _she_ wanted to swing next to the cute boys with the brown and silver hair, Axel claiming that _he_ had been waiting the longest, and Reno declaring that hewas the oldest ("By three minutes!" Axel had argued), and therefore that meant that _he_ automatically had dibs.

"But that's what you said last time!" Kairi said with an adorable pout on her face, forcing her hands to her hips in what she thought was an intimidating manner, but Axel and Reno regarded as merely annoying.

"Exactly!" Reno exclaimed. "Which just means that I'm always right, right?"

"No, it just means that you're a poo-head!" Axel said.

"All the poo-heads are in _first_ grade, duh!" Reno said, crossing his arms in a matter of arrogance that even second-grade Reno possessed.

"Hey! _I'm_ in first grade!" Kairi squealed.

"You're still a poo-head..."

"But you're still not getting the swing,"

"That's not fair Reno!"

"That's just the way it is," Reno boasted. "I'm getting the tall swing and that's final!"

And the eldest redhead turned toward the swing, glowing with pride and authority, only to have it crushed to tiny pieces when he saw that, not only was it now occupied, but it was some blond shrimp who was flailing away at the air with his legs in attempt to get himself airborne.

This simply would not do, for Reno was the boss, and nobody undermined the boss.

Roxas paid no attention to the fact that his spot on the swing next to his brother was in jeopardy; he was too busy silently cursing Sora and Riku in his head for picking this swing-set in particular, and trying with all of his six-year-old will to touch his feet to the ground and pick up enough momentum to get himself swinging higher than the slow rock he was getting at the moment.

"What do you think you're doing, blondie?"

And with that voice came the burst of speed that Roxas had been trying to attain; one kick sent the swing forward and Roxas thought for a moment that he was king of the world... until it registered in his mind that the swing under his butt was missing, and the chains he had been clinging to had mysteriously disappeared as well.

Roxas had no more time to think about it before he was suddenly face first in a mud puddle. After a moment, he turned himself, his shorts full of mud and filthy tracks of muddy water running from his hair down his face, to see the swing twisting and turning wildly and one of the red-haired boys cackling like a maniac. Sora was desperately trying to slow his swinging in order to rush to Roxas's aid, while Riku just continued swinging like nothing had ever happened.

Roxas's good mood came crashing down like a ton of bricks. There was mud in places that it shouldn't be, and he had skinned both knees in his fall to the ground. Seifer and the redhead were in hysterics; Sora had managed to make his way to his brother, and as much as Roxas dearly loved Sora, sometimes he tended to make the situation worse without even realizing it. Like moths to a candle, the other kids on the playground seemed to congregate when the humiliation of another was apparent; the other boys and girls had halted in their activities, turning curious eyes over to the mud puddle in front of the swings where the weird blond kid was kneeling, being helped up by his very worried brother who was babbling like an idiot in attempt to calm a now furious Roxas down. Roxas wanted to cry. Axel, however, was feeling a bit more sympathetic than anyone else. It wasn't Blondie's fault that Reno was being a prick (a word that was of frequent use in Axel's dictionary, even at seven years old), and if he had anything to do with it, his twin brother was going to pay for what he did. Hell, he even felt like hitting Kairi, just because she started giggling.

That was when Axel first approached Roxas.

Unfortunately for Axel, nobody had ever told Roxas that there were any other sets of twins in the world besides him and Sora, nor had anybody ever told him that some twins were identical (he and Sora were fraternal), so the only thing he saw when he turned to walk away was red hair and green eyes, so therefore, in his mind, this was the boy that had pushed him.

Roxas then did something he had never done before; he reacted.

His fist seemed to have a will of its own, and he surprised even himself when he full-force punched a very surprised Axel in the face. Axel screamed and held his face, only letting his guard down for a moment, but a moment long enough for Roxas to grab him by his t-shirt and throw him down into the mud.

The boys flailed in the mud, Axel, now more than angry, grabbing Roxas's ankles and forcing him back down into the puddle with a messy _splash_ that signaled an outright war. The two boys wrestled and punched and kicked, gathering the attention of the rest of their classmates as well as a few teachers.

"Hey hey HEY!"

Two teachers rushed over and pulled the two filthy boys away from each other, limbs still flailing and insults still being thrown.

Forty five minutes later saw Axel and Roxas sitting in the principal's office, nearly dry and both sitting hunched over with crossed arms and furrowed brows, waiting for parents to arrive.

Roxas was in the worst mood of his entire six-year old life. Not only was he being sent home for something that wasn't his fault to begin with, but his favorite clothes were ruined and he was stuck sitting here with the asshole that pushed him in the mud while waiting for his mom to come get him. People had been laughing; he might not act like it, but Roxas was sensitive dammit!

Axel was brooding three chairs away, nursing his new bruises when the distinct sound of sobbing cut through the quiet room. Axel snuck a glance to his left, glaring four seats down at Roxas who had curled himself into a ball on his chair; he had hugged his legs to his chest and buried his face in his knees, trying his hardest to muffle himself and not bring any more attention to himself than was necessary, especially attention from Axel. Axel watched for a few seconds as he watched Roxas's shoulders shake, and promptly tore his gaze away when he felt an unfamiliar lurch in his chest that was practically screaming for him to move his ass and do what he could to calm the boy down. He tried to pretend that he couldn't hear anything; the blond boy's crying was proving to be a strong test against Axel's willpower.

_Lalalalalalalalala..._ Axel sang to himself inside his head. He was _not_, I repeat, _**not**,_ going to give in! Axel's willpower was as strong as steel! Stronger even! He could even beat _Reno_ in a test of wills (though Axel wouldn't find out until many years later that it was Reno's short attention span, and not Axel's superhuman willpower, that ended a majority of their arguments), so he was absolutely _not_ in _any_ way going to let some shrimp get to him.

No way was it ever going to happen.

Roxas was brought from his self-pity back to planet earth when a hand slipped its way under his chin and lifted his face, and he was brought face to face with a pair of green eyes that sternly bored into his own.

"Stop crying," Axel said.

Roxas sniffed in response.

"Boys don't cry," Axel said again.

Roxas felt another strong upsurge of anger and he frowned; Axel seemed to sense the danger and he backed himself up a step before kneeling down to Roxas's level. The younger boy's muddy face was streaked with fresh tears, but the sobbing had pretty much stopped, except for an occasional hiccup and sniffle.

"That's better," Axel said.

Both boys turned their attention to the office door when the bell rang that signaled somebody's entrance, and upon seeing his mother, Roxas immediately jumped up from his chair (and knocked Axel over in the process) and ran over and proceeded to promptly wrap himself around Aerith Strife's middle. Fearing the worst, Roxas broke out in tears again, and Aerith, after recovering from her son's unexpected tackle, ran her finger's through Roxas's dirt-matted hair in an attempt to calm him down.

"It's okay sweetie. Calm down, Roxas, you're not in trouble..."

The door _ding_-ed again and a woman with soft red hair entered, and Axel found himself doing the exact same thing that Roxas had done when he saw his mother. Cissnei was actually knocked back against the door when Axel threw himself face-first into her stomach.

The two women looked at each other and shared an embarrassed smile while their children sobbed into their stomachs.

- - x - -

The weeks passed and Roxas had put everything behind him, including the urge to ever talk to Axel again. Axel however, was determined to edge himself under Roxas's skin, and he was doing a rather good job of it if he had to say so himself.

Let's just say that _Seifer_ couldn't ever match the amount of torment that Roxas was going through at Axel's behalf.

Now Axel didn't give him wedgies or steal his lunch munny, but Roxas considered those crimes to be rather benign compared to what Axel was putting him through.

Axel's torture was psychological; he was doing everything in his power to plant himself in Roxas's brain, to just get the blond boy to utter just _one word_ to him, even if it was just a simple "fuck off!" (1) It wasn't helping Roxas's predicament to find out that Axel lived barely a block down the road from him, and that their parents had decided that it would be "good for them" if Cissnei brought her three children over so the five kids could play together while the two mothers had tea. Kairi had hit it off with Sora almost immediately, and Roxas was even enjoying her company some of the time. Reno bounced around, sometimes bullying the others around but mostly spending all his time on the Strife family's Super Nintendo, taking out his bullying expertise on various characters from Mortal Kombat and Killer Instinct. And Axel was always preoccupied with Roxas. Who was doing everything in his power to pretend that he didn't exist.

Axel's techniques varied. Sometimes he would sit and just stare, until Roxas got fed up enough where he threw the nearest toy at the redhead, and one time the family cat. Other times, he would join in and talk Roxas's ear off, again, until Roxas got fed up enough to throw something at him. And then there were times when Axel just didn't try, which of course made Roxas paranoid that he was up to something, and then would, in turn, throw something at him.

Roxas broke three Transformers action figures in the first month.

And he still didn't utter one single word to him.

But this didn't deter the redhead. Sure, he was beginning to sustain some nasty bruises, depending on which toy the blond had decided to throw at him this time, but as was previously mentioned, his willpower was unbreakable, and Roxas was _going_ to give in if it killed him! He knew for a fact that Roxas was not mute; he listened to him talk to everybody else; Sora, Kairi, Riku, and even _Reno_ while continuously ignoring the fact that Axel was even in the room, and was enjoying whatever story he was telling more than anyone else in the room. But when Axel had a question or an inquiry about something that the blond had said, Roxas would just turn his head, glare at him for a moment, and then continue right where he left off, leaving Axel feeling quite defeated. With each day, each _week_, Axel's seven-year-old brain concocted new forms of mental torture, some failing to bring forth any reaction at all, while others left Roxas's eye twitching before early morning recess had even let out.

Halloween was starting to come around, when he finally broke.

The leaves had already changed colors and were starting to fall from the trees when Roxas found himself at the park, watching a mound of ants as they scurried around to pick at an old french fry on the ground by a large oak tree. He never noticed the steady decrease in sunlight as the afternoon hours passed, or the chill in the air that came with the changing of seasons. He never noticed the light jingle of the ice cream truck making its rounds, nor did he notice the person-shaped shadow that stood absolutely still behind him for what was going on ten minutes now.

The first thing that Roxas _did_ notice was the charlie horse in his left leg from sitting in his cramped position for so long.

Roxas stood up and stretched, arching his back to rid himself of the stress that crouching causes, and shaking his leg to relieve the muscular cramp that was ruining his bug-watching.

"Rox-ass!"

Roxas froze. That was the one voice he recognized the most, and the one voice he hated above all others. That now-familiar surge of anger welled up inside him, and he sighed. If it would make Axel leave him alone, he was more than ready to tell the redhead to fuck off. That was what he'd been after the whole time right? Just to get Roxas to talk, right? Well, Roxas had quite a few choice words he was more than willing to share with Axel, a majority of which a six year old boy should not know in the first place and that would get him a lifetime in time-out if his parents should ever hear him speak them.

So he would just have to say them quietly.

Roxas sighed and turned around, first noting his mom sitting on a park bench a few yards away with Cissnei while Sora and Kairi took turns on one of the slides, and then he came so he stood face to face with Axel, who stood there with his hands behind his back and a smug grin on his face.

Oh how badly Roxas wanted to punch that face.

Before he even had a moment to act, or even _think_, the world started spinning and he found himself on his back, the back of his head tingling from its contact with the ground and the breath momentarily knocked out of him by the weight on his chest that turned out to be Axel, smugly sitting like he belonged there and staring down at Roxas with a serious expression. The stress that no six-year-old should have to endure finally took its toll, and Roxas broke down in tears, not caring who saw or heard him. He was tired of this and wanted it to end, and it was going to end right now.

Axel's serious expression softened when he felt that foreign tug on his heart again.

"Hey hey hey, remember what I said about crying?" Axel said.

"Get off of me!" Roxas whined, trying with all of his strength to push the redhead away, to no avail.

"Why won't you talk to me?" Axel asked sternly.

"Because I hate you!"

"Why do you hate me? I didn't push you off the swing, Reno did,"

"I know that!"

"So why do you hate me?"

Roxas hiccupped and frowned, glaring up at Axel. "Because you hate me! You won't stop picking on me!"

"I don't hate you Roxas," Axel said. Roxas frowned deeper and Axel sighed, pulling his hands from behind his back. In his hands, he held two melting hunks of blue... stuff that was starting to drip down his hands. He handed one of the blue things to Roxas, who stared at it for a second.

Roxas sniffed. "What is it?"

"It's ice cream, duh!"

"Why is is blue?"

"Because it's sea salt,"

"What's that?"

Axel sat back and pulled Roxas up so that he was sitting, and placed it in his hand. Roxas immediately ran his tongue over the frozen treat as it started to melt down his hand, scrunching his face up in mock disgust after getting his first taste.

"It tastes weird..."

"But it's good, yes?"

"I guess so..."

Axel pulled his own ice cream up to his mouth and started sucking on it, giving the blond boy a sincere smile as he did so.

For the first time, Roxas gave a sincere smile back.

"You know, I kinda like you, Roxas,"

"I guess you're not too bad yourself, Axel,"

–

(1) I dunno about you guys, but when I was their age, "fuck" was a very common word that came from my classmates' mouths.

We're actually getting ready to get into some actual plot for this story. How long is it going to take? I honestly don't know. I know everybody's probably getting tired of the "writer's block" excuse, but I honestly don't have any better excuse to use, other than I've been doing more drawing than writing, and that every time I open the word document up on my computer, I more or less just stare at it for a couple hours while my plot bunnies yell at me in their zombie-like voices to " meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." That and all the new video games I've managed to acquire.

I found some random inspiration to at least pick this one back up, but will that inspiration only last this chapter, or will I have another four ready for you before the end of the week? I honestly don't know. You all will just have to watch and wait, and maybe I'll surprise you.

Reviews are my personal zombie extermination technique, so if you review, the zombies won't eat your brains.


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